Painted Love Letters by Catherine Bateson Read Free Book Online Page A

apple, ‘what’s marzipan?’
    â€˜Almonds,’ Nan replied, ‘and sugar. What a treat, Badger.’
    Badger looked pleased. He was a tall old man, older even than Nan. His hair was dark grey and stood up like a brush all over the top of his head. On either side of his mouth were deep lines that looked as though they’d swallow his smile, but when he did smile, they just vanished into the other, smaller creases on his face and his pale grey eyes seemed to darken all of sudden and I felt I had to smile back, quickly in case he turned away from me before he could see that I was glad he was there.
    â€˜Why is he called Badger,’ I asked Nan later, ‘it’s weird.’
    â€˜He’s a bit like a badger, I suppose,’ Nan said. She was doing her yoga in the lounge room. ‘Look at this, Chrissie, remember how stiff I was when I first started?’
    â€˜What do you mean, like a badger?’
    â€˜You’ve read The Wind in the Willows?’
    â€˜When I was little,’ I said, ‘and anyway, that’s just a story.’
    â€˜Well, badgers are private, shy creatures. They’re interesting, intriguing and very attractively striped.’
    â€˜Badger hasn’t got stripes.’
    â€˜No,’ Nan said, and smiled, ‘but he is very attractive.’
    â€˜Nan’s in love,’ I told my mother when she came home from the afternoon shift, ‘she’s in love with Badger.’
    â€˜Don’t be ridiculous,’ Mum said, ‘they’re friends, that’s all.’
    â€˜She said he was very attractive and she smiled in that way.’
    â€˜What way?’
    â€˜The way people smile when they’re thinking about kissing.’
    â€˜Oh, Chrissie, you do make things up, you silly girl.’
    â€˜It’s true,’ Dad said, coming up behind her and kissing her neck. ‘They’re in love, isn’t that great? Fancy walking into a senior’s yoga class and meeting someone who makes you smile because you can’t help thinking about kissing them. It’s a beautiful thing, Rhetta.’
    â€˜It’s disgusting,’ Mum said, and she spent a long time in the shower and when she came out she was all shiny, as though she had been polished.
    â€˜Why is it disgusting?’ I asked Dad, ‘Why does Mum think its disgusting, Nan and Badger?’
    â€˜Your mother’s sad,’ Dad said, ‘and when you’re sad, everything’s hard, even kissing.’
    â€˜Are you sad?’ As soon as I said it I could have bitten off my own tongue, but the words were out, hanging still in the air, like a sky message.
    â€˜Of course I am,’ Dad said, stroking my hair, ‘I’m sad about leaving you all behind. Some days I feel so sad I can’t bear it. But it’s easier for me because I’m the one going on. Each day my body gives up a little more, so it becomes a little closer and I can feel another little piece of this life slipping off me, slipping away. My body is teaching me how to leave. You don’t have to understand that, Chrissie, but remember it, remember that while my heart is sad, it’s also being slowly taught to say goodbye. And I’m very pleased Nan’s here, too, you did the right thing. You’re a brave girl and that makes me feel good, knowing how brave you are. You really are your mother’s daughter.’
    â€˜I don’t want to hear any more,’ I said.
    We had conversations like that, my father and I, and Nan and I. We had an agreement that when I wanted to, I could stop them talking. When it got too much I could go to my room. Or I could walk right out of the house, with Bongo and we’d go down to the river and muck about until we both smelled of river mud and were so dirty we’d have to hose off out the back before we were allowed in the house.
    â€˜You would never have let me get that dirty,’ Mum said when she came home