Pam of Babylon by Suzanne Jenkins Read Free Book Online Page A

as far as she was concerned. If he were still alive, she could have dealt with him in her own way, forcing him to confront his wife, exposing the truth. With him dead, it was a nonissue. The years she spent in servitude to her sister and her brother-in-law would go unpaid. She brought this on herself, and now the price would be paid in her wasted life.
    Anne and Nelda took some of the food gifts and made lunch for everyone. They all encouraged Pam to eat something. They noticed Marie and tried to get her to sit down and eat, too. But she just couldn’t. All accepted that she too, had a broken heart. But the extent of it, the depth was known only to her. She would have to fake it or risk devastating her sister and their relationship.
    At 1:30 p.m., Pam and Marie left for the funeral home together. Getting into the driver’s seat, Pam sighed and said, “I need to go to the train station and pick up Jack’s car.”
    “Do you want me to get the key, and we can go get it on our way home? It probably shouldn’t sit there over the weekend,” Marie suggested.
    “Oh, do you mind?” Pam said. Marie’s heart rate increased just thinking about getting behind the wheel of Jack’s beloved Lexus. No one ever drove it but him. “It would save time, I guess, since we are already out. I hate to impose.”
    “No, I’ll get the key.” She tried to hide her obvious nervousness, her hands shaking and voice trembling. This may be the thing she needed to purge her sadness, to let the tears flow. She wasn’t sure what would do it for Pam, but this might do the trick for her.
    She went through the garage to the back landing. There, on the wall just outside the laundry room was a rack with hooks. There was a hook for each of the cars, plus spares. The kid’s car keys were there, an extra for Pam’s car, a key for the lawn tractor, one for the utility truck, and then a large leather triangle with a silver L, Jack’s keys. Marie reached out for it, grasping it with her hand and bringing it up to her lips. Her eyes were closed. She knew she better get back to the car before Pam began to wonder what was taking so long. She would have time to love the key once she was alone in the Lexus. When she got back in the car, Pam was looking at her with concern.
    “Are you okay, kiddo? I mean the obvious, right? But will you be okay to go with me? I really appreciate it. I know how much you loved Jack, and he loved you.” Pam was the most generous person Marie knew, but she didn’t know how much Marie loved Jack, no matter what Pam thought.
    “I’m okay. I was just thinking that in a few hours, Sharon will be picking Lisa up in Newark.” A change of subject might make me feel better , Marie thought, deceiving herself. Sharon was the middle sister, second to last, born one year to the day before Marie. She and her family were coming up from Cherry Hill for the weekend; they were going to come anyway for the picnic but now instead for this tragic event. They would swing by the airport and pick up their niece.
    “Thank God we don’t have to worry about airport pickups. I know it must sound crass, but I think having to drive into Newark or to brave the traffic to JFK would have pushed me over the edge,” Pam said. “Jack always did the driving to the airport.”
    “How are you doing, Pam?” Marie said. Her sister seemed too calm for someone on the way to a funeral home to plan a husband’s funeral. Pam didn’t answer. She was unable to repeat what was really in her heart, the resignation that her marriage was a farce, that she felt more empathy for a stranger, a young woman who had been involved with her husband, than she did for her own children. She was hopeful those feelings would be resolved when she saw the faces of her kids. She knew the calm now, the numbness, would soon give way to the angst of young adulthood in turmoil.
    “Do you remember when Daddy died?” she asked Marie. “All I felt was guilt and anger. Guilt because I