Pastoralia by George Saunders Read Free Book Online Page B

“More than likely they were cats. The janitor’s cats. My guess is, it was dark in that boiler room and you couldn’t tell a cat from a rat.”
    “The janitor didn’t have any cats,” the kid says. “And he said I was lucky those rats didn’t start biting my pants. Because of the pudding smell. From when those kids pinned me down and poured pudding down my pants.”
    “Was that the same day?” Marty says. “The rats and the pudding? I guess I didn’t realize them two things were on the same day. Wow, I guess you learned a lot of toughness on that day.”
    “I guess so,” the kid says.
    “But nothing you couldn’t handle,” Marty says.
    “Nothing I couldn’t handle,” the kid says, and blinks, and his eyes water up.
    “Well, Christ,” Marty says, and his eyes also water up. “Time to hit the road, family. I guess this it. Let’s say our good-byes. Our good-byes to Home Sweet Home.”
    They take a little tour around the doublewide and do a family hug, then drag their suitcases down the path.
    I go to the Refuse Center and weigh our Human Refuse. I put the paperwork and the fee in the box labeled Paperwork and Fees. I toss the trash in the dumpsterlabeled Trash, and the Human Refuse in the dumpster labeled Caution Human Refuse.
    I feel bad for Marty and Jeannine, and especially I feel bad for the kid.
    I try to imagine Nelson padlocked to a boiler in a dark room full of rats.
    Plus now where are us Remotes supposed to go for our smokes and mints and Kayos?
    22.
    Back at the cave Janet is working very industriously on the pictographs.
    As I come in she points to my Separate Area while mouthing the word: Fax.
    I look at her. She looks at me.
    She mouths the words: Christ, go. Then she holds one hand at knee level, to indicate Nelson.
    I go.
    But it’s not for me, it’s for her.
    Ms. Foley’s fax appears to be inoperative? the cover letter says. Kindly please forward the attached .
    Please be informed , the attached fax says, I did my very best in terms of your son, and this appeared, in my judgment, to be an excellent plea bargain, which, although to some might appear disadvantageous, ten years is not all that long when you consider all the bad things that he has done. But he was happy enough about it, after some initial emotions such as limited weeping, and thanked me for my hard work, although not in those exact words, as he was fairly, you know, upset. On a personal note, may I say how sorry I am, but also that in the grand scheme of things such as geology ten years is not so very long really .
    Sincerely,
    Evan Joeller, Esq .
    I take the fax out to Janet, who reads it while sitting on her log.
    She’s sort of a slow reader.
    When she’s finally done she looks crazy and for a minute I think she’s going to tear the cave apart but instead she scoots into the corner and starts frantically pretending to catch and eat small bugs.
    I go over and put my hand on her shoulder, like: Are you okay?
    She pushes my hand away roughly and continues to pretend to catch and eat small bugs.
    Just then someone pokes their head in.
    Young guy, round head, expensive-looking glasses.
    “Bibby, hand me up Cole,” he says. “So he can see. Cole-Cole, can you see? Here. Daddy will hold you up.”
    A little kid’s head appears alongside the dad’s head.
    “Isn’t this cool, Cole?” says the dad. “Aren’t you glad Mommy and Daddy brought you? Remember Daddy told you? How people used to live in caves?”
    “They did not,” the little boy says. “You’re wrong.”
    “Bibby, did you hear that?” the dad says. “He just said I’m wrong. About people living in caves.”
    “I heard it,” says a woman from outside. “Cole, people really did use to live in caves. Daddy’s not wrong.”
    “Daddy’s always wrong,” says the little boy.
    “He just said I’m always wrong,” the dad says. “Did you hear that? Did you write that down? In the memory book? Talk about assertive! I should be so assertive.