Pink Snowbunnies in Hell: A Flash Fiction Anthology by Debora Geary, Nichole Chase, Nathan Lowell, Barbra Annino, T. L. Haddix, Camille Laguire, Heather Marie Adkins, Julie Christensen, A. J. Braithwaite, Asher MacDonald Read Free Book Online

—for a living.  She clomped over to sit opposite him at the little table by the window.
    “So what will you not do until after the pink snowbunnies ski in hell?  Or was that heck?”
    “Hell,” said Karla. “Definitely hell.  I have to go to a wedding.  Tomorrow.  I hate family obligations.  Did I mention to you how I hate them?”
    “Endlessly, but usually you get out of them.”
    “I’m not going to let Cousin Selia bully me into going, even if it is Jane’s wedding…”
    George sat up with sudden interest.
    “Jane?” he asked.  “She’s the one I met, isn’t she?  The timid one with the runaway dog.”
    Karla nodded.  She remembered the incident.  George had rescued the dog from traffic—which is something he was wont to do.  Rescuing, that is.
    “Selia is her mother,” said Karla.
    “We have to go,” said George urgently.  “You have to take me along as a guest.”
    “No!” said Karla.
    “Why not?  You like Jane.”
    “And you hardly know her.”
    “I rescued her.”
    “You rescued her dog.  You don’t have to look after everyone you’ve ever held a door for.”
    “Yes, I do,” said George simply.  “And you haven’t answered my question.  Why wouldn’t you want to go to Jane’s wedding?”
    “I don’t like the groom.”
    “That’s no reason to—”
    “I said pink snowbunnies will ski in hell first, and I meant it.”
    George looked narrowly at her.  “Are you sure that pink snowbunnies are all that unusual in hell?”
    “They’re snow bunnies, George.”
    “Could be metaphoric.  What about those pink marshmallow bunnies at Easter?”
    “You mean Peeps?”
    “Consider how many Peeps humans have sent to hell via microwave.  Angry, vengeful pink bunnies, slaloming along the flames of hell.  I’m sure there are lots of them there right now.  So you can’t get out of it.  The bunnies have sailed.”
    “This wedding is the revenge of the Peeps?” said Karla.
    “Yes.”
    “Well, I’ve never microwaved any Peeps in my life.  I’m not that mean.”
    “Original sin.  All of mankind must pay.”
    “Maybe we should invite PETA to the wedding.  They could protest.”
    “Does PETA have a confectionary chapter?”
    “They ought to,” said Karla.  “They could throw powdered sugar and food coloring on the groom.”
    George paused. “He’s really awful, you say?”
    “He’s a creep and a bully.  Just like her mother.  Jane really deserves better.”
    “Perhaps we should stage an intervention.”
    “Mom and Dad already tried, with ice cream and everything, but it didn’t work.”
    “Oh,” said George.  “If she’s in love—”
    “She isn’t!  She’s afraid of her mom.  And she’s afraid of Dickie, too.”
    “Dickie?”  George sat back in astonishment.  “You mean the guy who beat up that workman for spilling paint on his sidewalk?”
    “Yep. Dickie Wenswyck.”
    “And her mother approves?”
    “She recruited him.”
    George was silent for a moment, and then said, with an air of finality, “I must stop this marriage from happening.”
    Oh, crap, thought Karla. She’d triggered his hero obsession.
    “How?”
    “I’ll… kidnap the bride.  Right from the altar.”
    “That’s a felony, George.”
    “I promised to help her if she were ever in a jam.”
    “You can’t commit a felony. You’d be deported.”
    Karla looked hard at George, and he settled back and looked sullen.  They both thought for a minute, and then suddenly George cocked his head.
    “Has anyone tried an intervention on Dickie? ”
    “Nice idea, but I think he’s immune to ice cream.”
    “I was thinking more of a dark alley.”
    “Aggravated assault is a felony, too.”
    “He has a penchant for picking on people.  I could lure him into picking a fight with me…” 
    He drifted off, thinking.  Karla thought about how nice it would be if someone like George could intimidate Dickie.  Or maybe someone not like George.  Someone sweet and little