Playboy Doctor to Doting Dad by Sue MacKay Read Free Book Online Page B

kitchen was deafening. Kieran couldn’t have spoken a single word if his life had depended on it. All the arguments he’d had for not wanting a part in this boy’s life evaporated faster than ice cream in a desert. He lifted his arms to take Seamus and was rewarded with a toothless grin. Somewhere under his ribs he felt a sharp stab. Of love? Whoa. He was not ready for this. If this was unconditional love then he wasn’t ready, wasn’t capable of doing it. It frightened him. Like bungee-jumping without a cord.
    Then his arms were filled with a wriggling toddler. He grasped Seamus with stiff fingers, held him awkwardly out from his chest. And stared down at him. Seamus. A huge lump blocked his throat, cut off his breathing. He drank in the sight of his son, aware of every wriggle, every thump of one tinyfist on his arm. He saw big eyes peering up at him, trusting him. He saw innocence so sweet it made his knees weak. His heart felt as though it would explode right out through his ribs. This was what it felt like to be a parent. This simple. This terrifying.
    He couldn’t do it. He wasn’t father material. What if he harmed Seamus with his ineptitude? Seamus needed love and caring and twenty-four-hour attention. Not a dried-up shell of a man for whom the closest thing to love was sharing a bed with a warm woman for a night.
    He turned to hand the boy back to Abigail, to put him aside, back to where he’d be loved. But Abigail took a step away. What? She wasn’t going to rescue her child? The panic he’d felt earlier threatened to erupt. He clenched his muscles and Seamus wriggled against him in protest. See? Already he had made a mistake.
Suck in a breath. Deeply. Let it out, ride the panic. Another deep breath. I can’t do this.
    ‘Grandad, Grandad.’ Olivia’s shouts filled the cottage, and Max leaned over to shake his hand, saying above the din, ‘Welcome to Nelson, lad. It’s great to have you here.’
    Kieran shook his head in an attempt to clear away the overwhelming emotions engulfing him. The panic calmed. ‘Thanks, Max.’ He huffed the air from his lungs. ‘It’s good to see you, too.’ Loosening his grip on Seamus and trying to hold him with one arm, he managed to return the handshake. He hadn’t been called ‘lad’ since boarding-school days, and never in the friendly tone Abby’s father had used.
    So did Max know he was Seamus’s father? If so, what did the older man think of him? Maybe Max had called him ‘lad’ to soften him up before getting him into a corner and telling him exactly what he expected from Kieran for his grandson. And for his daughter.
    Abigail was very quiet. Kieran looked around, foundher regarding him steadily. Then she leaned close. ‘Isn’t he gorgeous?’
    He stared down at Seamus, at the complete trust reflected in the young eyes looking back at him. Assessing
him?
Did Seamus see the fear? The emptiness? Gazing back, Kieran saw no sign of the crushing defeat of a child who strived, and failed, to be loved by his parent. With Abby for a mother it was unlikely he ever would. Thank goodness.
    But the same couldn’t be said about Seamus’s father. The boy deserved better. Somewhere behind his ribs he felt something sharp, like he had a stitch from a long run. A painful stitch. Was he going to give away his chance with this child before he’d had time to get to know him? If he knew what was right for the boy he should. But.it wouldn’t be easy to walk away now. It would’ve been better all round if he hadn’t met the lad. Now he knew what Seamus looked like, knew how it felt to hold him.
    ‘Kieran?’ Abigail nudged him. ‘Don’t you think he’s great?’
    He could only manage, ‘He’s beautiful.’ His eyes still focused on Seamus, his arms reluctant to let the boy go even when he knew he should. Before he became too involved.
    Max told the room at large, ‘I’ll be off. I’m going out for dinner. Catch up with you at the weekend, Kieran, when you’ve