Practical Demonkeeping by Christopher Moore Read Free Book Online Page A

and karma. Postenlightenment depression, he thought.

6
THE DJINN’S STORY
    Brine said, “Excuse me, O King, but what exactly is a Djinn ?”
    Gian Hen Gian spit into the surf and cursed, but this time Brine did not understand the language and no blue swirls cut the air.
    “I am Djinn . The Djinn were the first people. This was our world long before the first human. Have you not read the tales of Scheherazade?”
    “I thought those were just stories.”
    “By Aladdin’s lamplit scrotum, man! Everything is a story. What is there but stories? Stories are the only truth. The Djinn knew this. We had power over our own stories. We shaped our world as we wished it to be. It was our glory. We were created by Jehovah as a race of creators, and he became jealous of us.
    “He sent Satan and an army of angels against us. We were banished to the netherworld, where we could not make our stories. Then he created a race who could not create and so would stand in awe of the Creator.”
    “Man?” Brine asked.
    The Djinn nodded. “When Satan drove us into the netherworld, he saw our power. He saw that he was no more than a servant, while Jehovah had given the Djinn the power of gods. He returned to Jehovah demanding the same power. He proclaimed that he and his army would not serve until they were given the power to create.
    “Jehovah was sorely angered. He banished Satan to hell, where the angel might have the power he wished, but only over his own army of rebels. To further humiliate Satan, Jehovah created a new race of beings and gave them control over their own destinies, made them masters of their own world. And he made Satan watch it all from hell.
    “These beings were parodies of the angels, resembling them physically, but with none of the angels’ grace or intelligence. And because he had made two mistakes before, Jehovah made these creatures mortal to keep them humble.”
    “Are you saying,” Brine interrupted, “that the human race was created to irritate Satan?”
    “That is correct. Jehovah is infinite in his snottiness .”
    Brine reflected on this for a moment and regretted that he had not become a criminal at an early age. “And what happened to the Djinn ?”
    “We were left without form, purpose, or power. The netherworld is timeless and unchanging, and boring—much like a doctor’s waiting room.”
    “But you’re here, you’re not in the netherworld.”
    “Be patient, Augustus Brine. I will tell you how I came here. You see, many years passed on Earth and we remained undisturbed. Then was born Solomon the thief.”
    “You mean King Solomon? Son of David?”
    “The thief!” The Djinn spat. “He asked for wisdom from Jehovah that he might build a great temple. To assist him, Jehovah gave him a great silver seal, which he carried in a scepter, and the power to call the Djinn from the netherworld to act as slaves. Solomon was given power over the Djinn on Earth that by all rights belonged to me. And as if that was not enough, the seal also gave him the power to call up the deposed angels from hell. Satan was furious that such power be given to a mortal, which, of course, was Jehovah’s plan.
    “Solomon called first upon me to help him build his temple. He spread the temple plans before me and I laughed in his face. It was little more than a shack of stone. His imagination was as limited as his intelligence. Nevertheless, I began work on his temple, building it stone by stone as he instructed. I could have built it in an instant had he commanded it, but the thief could only imagine a temple being built as it might be built by men.
    “I worked slowly, for even under the reign of the thief, my time on Earth was better than the emptiness of the netherworld. After some time I convinced Solomon that I needed help, and I was given slaves to assist me in the construction. Work slowed even more, for while some of them worked, most stood by and chatted about their dreams of freedom. I have seen that such