Precise by Rebecca Berto, Lauren McKellar Read Free Book Online

taken my glass of vodka and ice out of the random cupboard, and am trying to hide it again.
    “I won’t lecture you, but please, oh please, don’t embarrass me in front of everyone.”
    I scoff—the vodka thrusts out my feelings faster than I have time to consider. I remind myself I’m only joining in the party mood. Plus, if I stay here a moment longer whilst sober, I’ll explode. That wouldn’t be very responsible, would it?
    “Come on, it’s a party. I’m just joining in the mood.”
    “You set the mood, Katherine. You can make your own choices. I thought I’d remind you.”
    “Okay.”
    “What’s in your glass?” Mom says.
    “Ice.”
    “Just ice?”
    “Yup.”
    She is silent for all of two seconds while she peers into my glass. “Just think about Ella.”
    “Like I don’t ever think of her, huh?”
    “I didn’t mean that.” She looks to Aunty Mia, and flashes a confident smile. Mom ruffles her skirt out. As she does this, her shaky fingers continue to smooth over the material. She nods toward the hallway. “Come with me.”
    She pulls at me but I snap my hand back. Instead, I lead her away, taking the conversation to the far bedroom at the end of the house to where I haven’t been in years, and there is relative quiet. The hallway smells of fresh lemon, like it has just been sprayed or wiped down, but here it’s musky, laden with layers of dust.
    When I stop, Mom doesn’t say anything. She touches her skirt again, this time pushing it down. She continues to press it even once the ruffles appear non-existent. Then she fluffs her hair into place.
    “What? Nothing to say to me now?”
    She looks up, only for as long as she speaks. “I told you I didn’t want to lecture you.” Her head is back down in a second.
    “Bullshit. ‘I won’t lecture you, but do this and do that, and, oh, don’t do that.’” I inflate my shoulders as if I’m a big, macho man. Surely she sees the contradiction in her words now I’ve mimicked them.
    “I don’t want to tell you what to do,” her voice is soft, “or want you to make the same mistakes I did.”
    “What’s up with you, anyway?”
    She stands straight. Her eyes relax. “Well, I just didn’t think you’d come back into this room, is all. You seemed like you knew where I’d take you, and you didn’t want that.”
    She’s right. I haven’t been inside here for years, not since before Paul and I could afford a house together. This is our room. Because of my anger, I hadn’t had time to think about that before.
    The bed still has the half-blue-half-pink comforter on it. We’d compromised on it. There’s the cowboy hat I puked in before I realized I was pregnant with our daughter. Aside from that, most of my stuff has been taken down. It’s bare and stiff, our old room only by name.
    I press my lips together to shush my breathing, which has picked up like I’m running.
    “I didn’t want to come across as insensitive about having a party. I actually wasn’t going to have one at first. But I realized that Paul would have wanted us to be happy. He’s probably joining in the party up there.” Mom is cold and hard with the emotion of a brick, so I’m surprised when she gasps and begins sobbing. She squeezes both sides of her nose with her shiny nails.
    Does she not realize if I haven’t cried since what happened, crying in front of me isn’t going to illicit a reaction? This trick won’t work on me. Possibly stupid Katie, but not who I am now.
    “Shut up.”
    Mom grips my wrist. “Wait!”
    She’s holding hard enough so that, when I yank, my heels only dig further into the carpet. I glower at her and the only reason why I haven’t raised my hand back to push her off me is that action would be all she needs to prove Ella isn’t safe with me. There used to be a time when I’d let her touch me and I’d feel satisfied I had remained unaffected. Fast-forward to now and I don’t care. It’s hard to think about anything but Him