Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls by Steve Hockensmith Read Free Book Online

invitation to stay all along. He meant to sleep in their home! Or claim a bed in it, at any rate.
    The young nobleman had a reputation for taking liberties, one Jane refused to give credence to, so without guile or distrust was she. But it was plain to Elizabeth he’d earned his reputation. And sought to do so again.
    Mrs. Bennet seemed to see it all, as well—or at least that part of the picture that suited her. She perked up and leaned forward, eyes wide with delight.
    Mr. Bennet was just the opposite: still, stone faced, inscrutable. It was a race to see who would speak first.
    For once (and to Elizabeth’s infinite relief), Mr. Bennet won.
    “I think you need not worry, My Lord, assuming you don’t allow us to detain you any further. After all, it is well established that you have the fastest carriage in the county. No doubt you could easily outpace anystiff-legged unfortunates we might have lumbering about—so long as you still have a few rays of light to steer by. And I’m sure you’re anxious to begin the preparations we spoke of earlier, as well. You have many messages to dispatch, come morning—for which I again thank you. How lucky we are to have a young man as energetic and
fearless
as you to spearhead these vital efforts for us.”
    The baron’s already ruddy face went a shade rosier. Mr. Bennet had assigned him a role—the courageous man of action—and he had no choice but to play it.
    He cleared his throat and got to his feet. “Yes, well . . . a man does what he must. Even more so when he has rank and responsibility.”
    Mr. Bennet nodded solemnly.
    Mrs. Bennet looked like she’d have used the Fulcrum of Doom on him, if only she knew how.
    Before leaving, Lord Lumpley recovered enough to step to the divan and take Jane’s hand in his. He lingered over it at such length and with such obvious longing Elizabeth began to wonder whether he was going to kiss it or eat it.
    “I will see you at the ball at Pulvis Lodge, I presume?”
    Jane nodded. “I will be there.”
    “Excellent. I ask now for the first dance. And the last. And as many in between as you might spare.”
    Though it was Jane’s fingers he finally kissed, it was Mrs. Bennet who was on the brink of swooning.
    “The least you could’ve done was invite him to stay to supper,” she snipped at her husband when he returned to the drawing room a short while later, having seen the baron on his way. “Didn’t you notice how he fawns over Jane?”
    “A syphilitic bat could’ve seen it.”
    “Oh! Mr. Bennet! Really!”
    “I’m sorry, Mrs. Bennet. I misspoke.” Mr. Bennet dropped wearily into the very chair their guest had warmed with his well-paddedhindquarters. “I meant to say, ‘Yes. I noticed.’”
    “Well, didn’t it occur to you to capitalize on that?”
    Mr. Bennet didn’t speak to her or look at her. Instead, he turned a wistful, almost remorseful gaze on Jane.
    Somehow, Elizabeth got the feeling he already
was
capitalizing on the baron’s infatuation—and already regretting it, as well.

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CHAPTER 8
    WHEN RICHARD George Saunders-Castleton Harper-Milford Norman-Stilton-Harrowby Lumpley II, sixth Baron of Lumpley, knight of the Bath, and defender of the realm, awoke the next morning, the first thing he did was kick the empty gin bottles from his bed. Then he kicked off the dogs. And last (and with some regret) he kicked out the chambermaids.
    He had things to do this day. Important matters that demanded his attention.
    He needed a new truss, and only the best would do.
    He stood and admired himself in the full-length mirror strategically placed near the bed. True, his manly pear-shaped form had been swelling of late—it was now more like a gourd mounted on the twin stickpins of his legs. But, oh, his regal brow! His piercing eyes! His lordly chins! His soft, pale, pillowy arms unsullied by sinew or muscle! It was, in all respects, not just his mirror image he beheld, but that of his friend and fellow