Primary School Confidential by Woog Read Free Book Online Page B

Penny delivered the bad news to me, and I fled to the girls’ toilets for the rest of eternity.
    Eternity lasted until the end-of-recess bell, which rang out precisely seven minutes later. I had a choice to make: I could remain sobbing in the bathroom, a victim of public humiliation, or I could straighten myself out, splash some water on my face and bravely take my place in the class line. Which is what I did.
    I joined the Year 5 line while Paul stood nearby in the Year 6 line. I looked across and down at him, and when I caught his eye, I mouthed slowly and deliberately: ‘I hate you.’
    And with those three little words, I was over him. Little fucker. I spent the rest of the year trying to spread rumours that PaulRyan had stinky breath and wet his pants, and anything else I could think of that would shame him.

    As the school year went by, I became friends with boys. It was nice. It gave me the confidence to be myself in front of them—and let’s face it, I was more of a tomboy than a girly girl up until that point. There was a little group of us, boys and girls, who hung out a fair bit. And then hormones came and reared their ugly head and eventually everyone had paired up with someone to ‘go with’.
    My new boyfriend was a deadset spunk and a nice boy to boot. My mum knew his mum, who was one of the local swimming instructors. He proved to be a very good handball player. And I actually did want to sit next to him at the back of the bus, where we would hold hands. He had no warts. Nice clean hands.
    We became the king and queen of handholding. Everywhere we went, we’d be swinging digits. Up the back of the hall in assembly, we would sit side by side. He would put out his hand for me to hold, and so I did.
    Then we went to see Ghostbusters at the Richmond Regent and it was here that things heated up a bit. An actual arm went out and snaked around my shoulders. Of course I could not concentrate on the movie. A cute boy had his arm around me! It took all my concentration not to wet my pants there in the seat. During the interval, when he went to get me a treat from the the kiosk, I shared this new development with my friends, who were seated on my other side. I was so happy!
    Our relationship flourished. Our friends were constantly splitting up and swapping partners in dramatic fashion, but not us! We were like the Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward of theplayground. He would shower me with gifts. Like, one time, he presented me with a plastic bag which contained a car seat for my Cabbage Patch Kid, Ramona Alvarez. He gave me a bracelet with my name engraved on the outside and his name engraved on the inside, which may have just made my heart stop.
    And then, of course, came my first-ever kiss! I was such a fan of the experience that I went on to do quite a bit of kissing as a teenager. But that first kiss . . . you never forget it. Even if it happened when you were twelve. Even if it was in front of all your friends, with them egging you on.
    We were at a party, which was a slumber party for both boys and girls. I KNOW! But the fun police (my parents) refused to let me attend the actual sleepover part, so I just went along for the movie section of the festivities. We did our traditional handholding, and the now customary arm around the shoulder. We were getting a lot of peer pressure to pucker up and so, after a lot of nagging, we eventually did, giving each other a small peck on the lips.
    The crowd EXPLODED!
    Looking back on it now, it was quite perverted, but I felt that we were ready to take our relationship to the next level, so along with handholding and arms around the shoulders, we added quick kisses to our repertoire of PDAs.
    Then, as tended to happen in those days, the old bush telegraph kicked into gear and word got back to my parents, who promptly enrolled me in a boarding school for my high school years. I presume they were thinking that this might save me from myself. I cannot say for sure that their