Punkzilla by Adam Rapp Read Free Book Online Page B

staring at me and then I was through the front doors of DeRosa Hall and I was walking under the Academy Archway and I just kept going down Cemetery Road till this townie picked me up in a Dodge Dart. He had long hair and he was a chronic insomniac. His name was Steve and he said he worked at an all-night doughnut shop just to pass the time. He knew I was a Buckner cadet because of my haircut and he also knew I was AWOL but he helped me anyway. I had heard how townies could be pretty hateful so I was lucky.
    The first thing he asked me was if they beat me at Buckner. He was like “They beat you at that school?” and I told him that sometimes they did and then he asked if I hit them back and I lied and said yes and looked at my fist like there was a piece of glass in it.
    Steve the insomniac doughnut maker drove me all the way to Pittsburg Kansas where I spent the night under this bell tower thing on the campus of Pittsburg State University. I pretty much froze my ass off and woke up face-to-face with a squirrel whose eyes were black and jittery.
    That day I managed to eat for free in their cafeteria. What I did was I found this math book in a garbage can and sat down at a table and pretended like I was reading it. A few minutes later this pale girl with little baby teeth sat down across from me and asked me if I was the provost’s son. I had no idea what the provost was but I was like an actor P I really was. I was totally playing it cool. She was wearing this huge orange and red sweatshirt that said “Go Gorillas” on the front. Eventually I told her that yes I was his son and I thought I had her fooled but she smiled all conceited and said “Dr. Yarworth is a she.”
    I said “Oh” because I couldn’t say much else. When you get caught lying I’ve learned that Oh is about the safest response. Then she asked me if I was actually reading the math book and she was still smiling at me with her weird little teeth. I said I was and then she said she was impressed because it was an advanced calc book so I flipped a page and made a face like knowledge is boring. Then she asked me my name and I gave her yours.
    She said “Like the Rabbit?” and I went “Exactly” and then she started scratching her skinny pale arms.
    I asked her her name and she said it was Margaret so I told her Margaret was a pretty name and she said thank you and got all quiet and bashful and started looking down at her lap. She had a lot of peach fuzz on her cheeks and I wondered if her hormones were messed up like maybe she burped a lot or could grow a circus beard. Then she told me how all her friends called her Mags and I tried imagining her friends and they were all pale and skinny and wore sweatshirts with gorillas on them. She told me how she was studying to be a special-ed teacher which made me remember this special-ed cadet at Buckner Floyd Bausheck who had a face like a catfish and always walked around with his mouth open because he was so congested. I told Mags she seemed like she would be a good teacher and she must have liked that because she stopped scratching her arms and offered me the rest of her chili. While I was eating it I could feel her staring at me but not like in a sexual way. It was more like I had survived a car crash.
    Then out of nowhere she asked me if I was a premature baby. She said “Were you a premature baby?” and then she told me how premature babies grow up to be near-perfect human specimens. That’s what she said P near-perfect human specimens I shit you not!
    She told me I had a lovely face and that I possessed an androgynous beauty and how I must be appealing to both sexes. What a weird thing to say to someone right? I felt like stabbing her with her fork like I got mad homicidal feelings because of her comment. There was this huge clock in the cafeteria and I felt like it was watching me too like it knew my thoughts like it was somehow connected to Buckner and would let them know about any sudden movements I