past Mama. I jus'
wanna go to my room.
"I ain' had no breakfast," Mama say.
Oh, so that's it. She want me to cook. Mad
'cause I ain' cook 'fore I left. Shit, get tired of cooking for her. It hard for Mama to stand up long. I look at her. She ain' circus size yet but she getting there. Usta be when I go to regular school Mama make me fix breakfast, bring it to her room 'fore I leave. But since I be outta school I just fix it a little later. She know today I was goin' to alternative.
"I tole you I was goin' to school today."
"Forget school! You better git your ass on down to welfare!"
"I gonna get stipend for school."
"Fool fuck a stipend! What's that. I said take your ass down to welfare NOW!"
"Now?" She know I got to be there at 7 a.m. if I gonna get to talk to anybody. Welfare very crowded nowadays. "I go in the morning first thing."
Same thing in me when I try to hit Mrs Lichenstein 'n when I grabbed the knife in the dishwater—only deeper. I think my mind a TV set smell like between my muver's legs. I stupid. I ain' got no education even tho' I not miss days of school. I talks funny. The air floats like water wif pictures around me sometime. Sometimes I can't breathe. I'm a good girl. I don't fucks boyz but I'm pregnant. My fahver fuck me. And she know it.
She kick me in my head when I'm pregnant. She take my money. Money for Little Mongo should be mine. A Day at the Beach Shore A Day A Day ABC Alphabetical order CD ABCD. I grab my notebook. I look at my muver.
"I go to welfare tomorrow—Tuesday. Wednesday I go to school. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I go to school."
I look Mama. This baby feel like a watermelon between my bones getting bigger and my ankles feelin' tight cause they swoled. I sigh. This gonna end, even if it end by me stop breathing. Thas what I want sometimes. Sometime I hurt so bad I want to not wake up, want breathing to stop in my sleep. Have me don't wake up. Other times I start to go a huh a huh ahuh ahuh A HUH A HUH
and I grab my chess 'cause I can't breathe, then I ainʼt breathin'bad.
I try to forget I got baby in me. I hated borning the first one. No fun. Hurt. Now again. I think my daddy. He stink, the white shit drip off his dick.
Lick it lick it. I
HATE that. But then I feel the hot sauce hot cha cha feeling when he be fucking me. I get so confuse. I HATE him. But my pussy be popping.
He say that, "Big Mama your pussy is popping!" I HATE myself when I feel good.
"How long you gonna stand there like you retarded.*'
I start to tell her don't, don't call me that, but all, everything, is out me. I jus' want to lay down, listen to radio, look at picture of Farrakhan, a real man, who don't fuck his daughter, fuck children.
Everything feel like it is too big for my mind. Can't nuffin' fit when I think 'bout Daddy.
"I'm tired." Why I say that, she don't care.
"Fix us some lunch, it's way pas' lunch. you done ate?"
"I had some potato chips."
"Thas all?"
I remember ham 'n chicken, don't say nuffin', ax her, "What you want?" .
"I don't know, see what's in there. If not nuffin' in there, get stamps out my purse and go to store 'n get us'es somethin' to eat."
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPABCDEFGHIJKLMNO
PQRS. There are 26 letters in our alphabet. Each letter has a sound. A Day at the Beach Shore ABCDEFGHI JKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.
That night I dream I am not in me but am awake listening to myself choking, going a huh a huh A HUH A HUH A HUH. I am walking around trying to find where I am, where the sound is coming from. I know I will choke to death I don't find myself. I walk to my muver's room but it look different, she look different. I look like little baby almost. She is talkm' sweet to me like sometimes Daddy talks. I am choking between her legs A HUH A HUH. She is smelling big woman smell.
She say suck it, lick me Precious. Her hand is like a mountain pushing my head down. I squeeze my eyes shut but choking don't stop, it get worse. Then I open my eyes and look. I look at little Precious
wanna go to my room.
"I ain' had no breakfast," Mama say.
Oh, so that's it. She want me to cook. Mad
'cause I ain' cook 'fore I left. Shit, get tired of cooking for her. It hard for Mama to stand up long. I look at her. She ain' circus size yet but she getting there. Usta be when I go to regular school Mama make me fix breakfast, bring it to her room 'fore I leave. But since I be outta school I just fix it a little later. She know today I was goin' to alternative.
"I tole you I was goin' to school today."
"Forget school! You better git your ass on down to welfare!"
"I gonna get stipend for school."
"Fool fuck a stipend! What's that. I said take your ass down to welfare NOW!"
"Now?" She know I got to be there at 7 a.m. if I gonna get to talk to anybody. Welfare very crowded nowadays. "I go in the morning first thing."
Same thing in me when I try to hit Mrs Lichenstein 'n when I grabbed the knife in the dishwater—only deeper. I think my mind a TV set smell like between my muver's legs. I stupid. I ain' got no education even tho' I not miss days of school. I talks funny. The air floats like water wif pictures around me sometime. Sometimes I can't breathe. I'm a good girl. I don't fucks boyz but I'm pregnant. My fahver fuck me. And she know it.
She kick me in my head when I'm pregnant. She take my money. Money for Little Mongo should be mine. A Day at the Beach Shore A Day A Day ABC Alphabetical order CD ABCD. I grab my notebook. I look at my muver.
"I go to welfare tomorrow—Tuesday. Wednesday I go to school. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I go to school."
I look Mama. This baby feel like a watermelon between my bones getting bigger and my ankles feelin' tight cause they swoled. I sigh. This gonna end, even if it end by me stop breathing. Thas what I want sometimes. Sometime I hurt so bad I want to not wake up, want breathing to stop in my sleep. Have me don't wake up. Other times I start to go a huh a huh ahuh ahuh A HUH A HUH
and I grab my chess 'cause I can't breathe, then I ainʼt breathin'bad.
I try to forget I got baby in me. I hated borning the first one. No fun. Hurt. Now again. I think my daddy. He stink, the white shit drip off his dick.
Lick it lick it. I
HATE that. But then I feel the hot sauce hot cha cha feeling when he be fucking me. I get so confuse. I HATE him. But my pussy be popping.
He say that, "Big Mama your pussy is popping!" I HATE myself when I feel good.
"How long you gonna stand there like you retarded.*'
I start to tell her don't, don't call me that, but all, everything, is out me. I jus' want to lay down, listen to radio, look at picture of Farrakhan, a real man, who don't fuck his daughter, fuck children.
Everything feel like it is too big for my mind. Can't nuffin' fit when I think 'bout Daddy.
"I'm tired." Why I say that, she don't care.
"Fix us some lunch, it's way pas' lunch. you done ate?"
"I had some potato chips."
"Thas all?"
I remember ham 'n chicken, don't say nuffin', ax her, "What you want?" .
"I don't know, see what's in there. If not nuffin' in there, get stamps out my purse and go to store 'n get us'es somethin' to eat."
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPABCDEFGHIJKLMNO
PQRS. There are 26 letters in our alphabet. Each letter has a sound. A Day at the Beach Shore ABCDEFGHI JKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.
That night I dream I am not in me but am awake listening to myself choking, going a huh a huh A HUH A HUH A HUH. I am walking around trying to find where I am, where the sound is coming from. I know I will choke to death I don't find myself. I walk to my muver's room but it look different, she look different. I look like little baby almost. She is talkm' sweet to me like sometimes Daddy talks. I am choking between her legs A HUH A HUH. She is smelling big woman smell.
She say suck it, lick me Precious. Her hand is like a mountain pushing my head down. I squeeze my eyes shut but choking don't stop, it get worse. Then I open my eyes and look. I look at little Precious
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