Put Me In a Skirt and Hurt Me: The Strictly Lesbian Adventures of Mistress Sophia by A.L. Bryce Read Free Book Online

the kitchen.
    They planned how the luncheon with the Jersey girls should unfold. “Madame Unjeu” would go into a trance. Sophia would sit quietly for most of the séance but would jump in near the end to express concern that Madame Unjeu was overdoing it and needed to end the session to preserve her health. This would help to facilitate a follow-up call or two for more advice once the Jersey girls had returned home.
    Sophia was comfortable in her role. Sometimes she actually rather enjoyed the game. And she got a huge kick out of Edna, who really should have been a star of the stage with her ability to embody her characters at the drop of a hat. She was both disappointed and relieved that they hadn’t had time to discuss the Mrs. Pea incident. She wasn’t sure how much she should, or could, share with Edna. Now she had a reprieve to consider what to say or if she wanted just to let the matter drop.
     
    The luncheon went swimmingly!
    Edna and Sophia met the Jersey girls at Benoit’s in Midtown. Edna had long ago secured “The Officine” (a ten-person private dining salon) for her little soirees. It didn’t matter anymore if there were two of them or a full room of ten, Benoit’s loved Edna. Her guests never left without dropping more than a few hundred each, what with cocktails and food. Madame Unjeu encouraged them to return to the restaurant on their own too. After all, the “spirits” enjoyed being there and who was to say? Perhaps her clients might catch a glimpse of their dearly departeds on their own.
    “The Officine,” a complete reconstruction of an 1830s French herbalist’s shop from Bordeaux, was a lovely backdrop to the discerning woman’s mystical experience. Its rich walnut paneling, original porcelain herb nameplates, and the stunning mural-sized photographs of Paris at each end of the room offered an ooh-la-la feeling to the goings on at the séance.
    Edna was an expert at rolling her eyes back into her head, making her body vibrate just enough to cause the customers to be uncomfortable and thrilled, and then spirit would take over her body.
    “They are here,” Madame Unjeu extolled.
    “Is it Gladys?” a woman with large earrings interrupted. “Is it Uncle Jimmy? God forbid, it’s not my mother, is it?”
    “Is it my mother?” another woman asked. She had a habit of making little “pop” sounds with her gum by sucking it inward. Her name was Lorraine.
    “It’s my Sidney! I can tell, it’s my darling Sidney,” said a third woman, tears welling on the darkened brims of her heavily mascara’d eyes.
    “There are two…no, three spirits with us,” Madame Unjeu stated. She planned on making everyone happy. “Two older women and a man present.”
    “My mother!”
    “Mother?”
    “He’s dark-haired, isn’t he? Sidney? Oh, Sid, I’m here!”
    “Yes, the man is dark. He’s shaking his head.”
    “Oh, my God!” Sidney’s wife clutched her bosom and let the tears roll.
    “He has a message for you…but wait, the older women, one of them is interrupting.”
    “Oh, for Christ’s sake, that’s gotta be my mother. Jesus, Mom, let the man speak!” Lorraine, the gum popper, rolled her eyes and slapped her hand to the table.
    “The woman is backing away. She’s leaving.”
    “Mom, don’t go! I didn’t mean to disrespect you. You know I love you, mother.” Lorraine looked stricken.
    “She’s back. She’s smiling.”
    Sophia was amazed. All the Jersey gals looked thrilled and so far Edna hadn’t told them a thing.
    “The man…it is Sidney….yes. He’s holding his hands to his heart.”
    “He died of a heart attack!” Sidney’s widow looked like she was about to have one herself.
    Edna had planned to say that Sidney was letting her know he loved her…but heart attack was good too. She could use that.
    “He says something about it’s not your fault.”
    “Well, of course not! He was with his mistress when he had the heart attack. Slut! That’s what she was.