Putting Alice Back Together by Carol Marinelli Read Free Book Online Page A

go so far the other way was only hurting Roz.
    We chatted about Nicole. Then there was a half hour or so listening to her bang on about Andrew’s new girlfriend Trudy. Then I sat through the saga of Lizzie, her daughter, and their latest row and then, when she’d wornherself out talking about the bitch that is her daughter, she waffled on about Hugh.
    ‘He might be nice.’ Roz raised her eyebrows.
    ‘He’s living with someone called Gemma. (Nicole had told me after I’d agreed he could stay.) Nicole reckons they’re serious.’
    ‘Well, they can’t be that serious if he’s coming out here. He’s a consultant.’ Roz nudged. ‘You never know.’
    Oh, I knew.
    ‘He’s Nicole’s cousin,’ I said, because it covered so many things—anally retentive, frigid, uptight, driven. ‘I only agreed because if Nicole told me one more time about Aunty Cheryl and her mother’s row, and how this would really help, I’d have strangled her.’ But we weren’t here to discuss Lizzie or the impending arrival of Dr Hugh Watson, so, rather skilfully I thought, I moved the conversation around to this fabulous new body moisturiser and a hot oil hair treatment I’d bought from my hairdresser Karan as Roz pretended to listen.
    Yes, pretended.
    I could sense her distraction and it infuriated me. I wasn’t doing this for my benefit—I didn’t have a halo of pubic hair on my head, I wasn’t slobbing on the couch in khaki oversized cargo pants and a T-shirt you could house a Third World family in.
    ‘Roz!’ She jumped to attention as I held up the pack. ‘Let’s have a girls’ night in—maybe we could do each other’s hair or something…’
    ‘I don’t know, Alice.’ She shrugged, then flicked her cigarette somewhere near the ashtray and for an appalling moment I reminded myself of Nicole as I sucked in my breath. ‘I’m just past all that.’
    ‘Past all that.’ I shook my head firmly. ‘You’re only thirty-four, Roz. You’re nowhere near past it, though with that attitude…’ My voice trailed off as again Roz shook her head.
    ‘It’s nothing to do with my age.’ She gave a wheezy laugh, which turned into a cough. Then just when she managed to finally get her breath back, when the blue tinge left her lips and the broken veins bulging on her cheeks faded somewhat, she stubbed out her cigarette and lit another. ‘When I say past it, I mean I’m over it.’
    ‘Over what?’
    ‘Trying to please people—I had enough of it with Andrew. No matter how thin I was, no matter how good I looked, it was never enough. Look, I see how long you spend on your hair…’
    ‘It makes me feel nice,’ I smarted. ‘Believe me, Roz, I don’t want to spend all those hours, but better that than walking around like I’ve got my finger in a plug socket. It’s important to take care of yourself.’
    ‘I’m not going there again.’
    ‘Looking good isn’t just about pleasing people, Roz,’ I answered tartly. ‘This is about pleasing yourself, about self-respect.’
    ‘Perhaps,’ Roz mumbled. ‘It just seems like such a lot of work and for what?’
    Okay, so softly, softly wasn’t going to work here. I’m not very good at being firm, but really I know I sound like a bitch, I know I sound superficial and I know I probably am all those things, but I truly wasn’t being bitchy or superficial at that moment. I was actually in a real predicament—one I hadn’t even told Dan about.
    Roz smelt!
    I would never say it to Dan because, well, with Dan it would be bitching, but it wasn’t just me who thought it. Since Roz started on my team I’d had four complaints about her personal hygiene. Yes, she smokes, but it wasn’t just that—I smoke, half the team smokes.
    The fact was Roz smelt.
    I really did think Roz was depressed, I mean properly depressed. I truly didn’t know what to do about it and I had no bloody idea how to approach her questionable hygiene, but I had to, because if I didn’t deal with it, I’d be