Really Weird Removals.com by Daniela Sacerdoti Read Free Book Online Page B

and yet… they were best friends.”
    They are quiet for a while. Then Mum sighs.
    “He says to bring dinner up.” My mum and dad never fight, they always seem to understand each other, but these days he’s cooped up in his study all the time and I know she gets upset about it.
    I’m not sure if his writing is really worth it, being apart from us as much as he is. Yes, he was called “the new J.K. Rowling” when the first Reilly came out, and people actually set up websites and fan clubs about his work, and now a film is being made, but…
    When I have a family, I’ll spend time with them. For sure. Even if I’m a famous writer. Which I will be, one day.
    “Darling, put that phone away.” Valentina has taken out her mobile, which is strictly forbidden at the dinner table.
    “Sorry Mum. Just texting Uncle Alistair.”
    “Ok, let him know, and then put it away. After dinner we need to get your waterproofs out, and your sleeping bags…” I can see she’s excited for us. “Wish I was going! I love camping, and I haven’t seen Kenny in years! Since you were a baby, Valentina.”
    “Why don’t we go too?” suggests Shuna.
    We hold our breath. Say no say no say no …
    “I’ve promised Morag I’ll look after her mum on Saturday. She’s flying to Glasgow for a shopping trip.” My mum was a nurse when she lived in Italy, so neighbours and friends often ask her for help. We only have two doctors and two nurses on the whole island.
    “Oh well, another time.”
    Phew.
    Valentina’s phone beeps.
    “Sorry Mum, I think it’s Uncle Alistair, can I look?”
    “Right, on you go.”
    “Oh, he says to bring a few chocolate bars!” Valentina laughs, and hands me the phone.
    Try and get your hands on hairspray. Stone fairies hate it. C u Sat at 8 don’t sleep in. A.
    We exchange a look.
    A few minutes later, once we’re tucking into our tea, Valentina says casually, “Your hair looks lovely Mum. Are you wearing hairspray?”
    Mum looks at her as if she has grown horns.
    “Hairspray? No…” she runs a hand through hersoft brown curls. “You know perfectly well I never do. What are you up to, Valentina Kirsty Grant?”
    Uh-oh. The full name has been used. It means that my mum’s radar is up.
    “Nothing! I was just saying your hair looks nice!” Valentina looks outraged at Mum’s tone.
    “Right…” Mum says, meaning: my eye is on you.
    To be fair to Mum, Valentina has done some crazy things in the past. Once she spread seaweed all over the garden – and I mean sacks of the smelly stuff – because she wanted to attract poquitos. According to Valentina, poquitos are a cross between lizards and sea birds, and they live somewhere in western Patagonia. She had read about them in Hidden Beasts and Forgotten Animals , a book she’d found in my dad’s study. She was sure that if they happened to be flying over us, they would be attracted by the smell of seaweed.
    Another time, she stole my dad’s aftershave and poured it all over the doorsteps and windows because strong smells keep out poisonous snakes. That tip came from Reptiles of the Americas , apparently. There are no poisonous snakes in the Hebrides, but then you can never be too careful, she argued.
    And that’s not all. Last year she skipped her dance class and dragged her friend Rachel down the beach in the middle of winter, hoping to spot the migration of northern mermaids towards Iceland. (Apparently they meet there for a yearly festival. I’m not sure which book she got this from.) Rachel got home blue with cold, her teeth chattering, shaking all over. Shecaught a terrible flu, and her mum didn’t speak to us for weeks.
    So yes, when Valentina comes out with something unexpected, my mum worries.
    “Do you have any hairspray at all?” Valentina asks now, her eyes wide with innocence.
    “What for?”
    “My hair , of course!”
    “How dare we doubt her, Isabella,” laughs Aunt Shuna.
    “Well, whatever you need it for,” Mum says, “I