Really Weird Removals.com by Daniela Sacerdoti Read Free Book Online

our baby granddaughter, Ella, for their own! We can’t deal with this alone, and I was reminded of you last week by a friend of my cousin I remember when you were just a wee boy, and you blew up your parents’ garage–
    “Did you, Uncle Alistair?” Valentina asks, her eyes twinkling.
    “Not on purpose. It sort of… happened,” he mutters. For a moment, he looks like a little boy caught doing something naughty. Valentina giggles.
    I don’t think your dad’s eyebrows ever fully grew back. Happy memories!
    Anyway…
    Alistair, please stop the fairies making our lives a misery, protect Ella and get Jimmy back to normal. Only you can do it.
     
    Best regards,
    Kenny McMillan
    “This sounds so cool, Uncle Alistair. I’m sure wecould be useful!” Valentina hasn’t given up yet.
    Uncle Alistair appears lost in thought. For a few seconds, there’s silence – all I can hear is my heartbeat. Finally, he speaks.
    “This could be a good first case. For you, I mean. The stone fairies might bite, but they don’t kill. Usually.”
    Oh, that’s a relief, I think – not reassured in the slightest.
    “Does that mean we can go with you?” exclaims Valentina, her eyes shining again.
    “On probation…”
    “YES!” Valentina claps her hands.
    “Let’s see how it goes, we’ll take it from here.” Uncle Alistair is trying to sound all wise and restrained, but I can see he’s excited about having us with him.
    I’m excited too – and a bit scared. Valentina is entirely without fear, as usual.
    “But if you get killed, don’t come and haunt me. It’s not like I haven’t warned you,” continues Uncle Alistair. I’m not completely sure he’s joking.
    “So, here we are, the Really Weird Removals Company! RWR!” Valentina beams, looking around happily.
    “Cool!” squeals Camilla, doing an airborne cartwheel.
    “Here we are indeed. Right.” Uncle Alistair claps his hands, sounding suddenly businesslike. “Let’s give Kenny a suitable reply.” He cracks his knuckles and sits at the desk. “There. What do you think of this, ladies and gentlemen? And… er… gentleghost?” headds, careful not to leave Camilla out.
    Valentina starts reading aloud.
    To [email protected]
    From [email protected]
     
    Dear Kenny,
    How awfully nice to hear from you, though in such troubling circumstances. We’ll be with you on Saturday. You don’t need to put us up; we’ll be camping in the woods. Better to be near the action. I’d be grateful if, once the case of the fairies is closed to your satisfaction, you’d make a voluntary donation to the RWR to cover our expenses and aid our survival.
     
    Thank you and best regards,
    Alistair Grant, on behalf of the RWR
     
    P.S. The garage thing. It was an unfortunate accident that could have happened to anyone.
    “The RWR means us !” Valentina grins.
    “Just for this once!” Uncle Alistair reminds her. “Now all we need to do is convince your dad to let you go.”
    ***
    “Under no circumstances can you go with your uncle. No.”
    “Duncan–”
    “Please, Dad–”
    “I said no, and that’s my last word.”
    If Dad says that’s his last word, there’s only one person who can turn it into his penultimate word, and that’s my mum.
    “Mum, please… Camping is great, it’s… educational !” I try.
    “We’d be seeing Kenny! He’s our cousin – distantly!” Valentina hugs Mum enthusiastically. “And, really, their infestation is terrible!” she adds, for good measure.
    “Everybody on this island is your dad’s distant cousin!” laughs Mum. “Why is it that they need your uncle again?”
    “Rats.”
    “As big as ducks,” I chip in.
    “And you know I love mysterious creatures!” Valentina clasps her hands together.
    “What’s mysterious about rats?” Mum laughs.
    “Rats can be very shifty,” Valentina says solemnly.
    “Right, right, leave it with me.” Mum, still chuckling, runs upstairs after my dad.
    Fingers crossed.
    I feel awful,