Reckless Heart (Kauffman Amish Bakery 5.5) by Amy Clipston Read Free Book Online Page B

guarantees.
    That’s where God comes in
.
    The words seemed to bubble forth from deep in her heart.
    “
Ya
,” she whispered. “That’s where God comes in.”
    Lydia placed the booklet on her bedside table, set her alarm clock, and flipped off the lantern. While she stared up at the dark ceiling, she tried to make sense of the evening. It seemed as if her world had been turned upside down in just a few hours. How could her baby sister have leukemia?
    It didn’t make sense. How could God take such a perfect baby and give her a horrible, frightening illness? Why was Ruthie the only one of the four children to contract it?
    A soft knock sounded on her doorframe and, after turning the lantern back on, she crossed the room. Pulling the door open, she found her father frowning in the doorway. Worry settled in her gut.
    “Is
Mamm
okay?” she asked.
    “
Ya
,”
Dat
said. “She’s rocking Ruthie.”
    “Oh.” Lydia wound her fingers through her long, light brown hair. “I told
Mamm
I would take care of Ruthie tonight, but I never heard her cry. I was only sitting here quietly reading the booklet.” She pointed to her nightstand. “I don’t know how I missed it.” She started for the door. “I’ll take over.”
    He shook his head. “No, you don’t need to. Your
mamm
and I were talking, and she said she needed to hold Ruthie. She went into her room and picked her up even though she was sleeping.”
    “Oh.” Lydia was confused. Why didn’t her mother want her to help out tonight? It didn’t make sense at all, but maybe nothing made sense when your child was diagnosed with leukemia. Still, Lydia wanted to help her mother in every way she could. She felt the need to do something to help her sister too. If she just sat in her room, she’d feel lost with her life spinning out of control. “Is
Mamm
going to need help?”
    He shrugged. “I think she’ll be okay, but I wanted to just speak to you alone for a moment.”
    Lydia opened the door and motioned for him to come in. “What’s on your mind,
Dat?
”
    “I want to thank you for being so strong earlier,” he began, stepping through the door. “I’m certain it tore you apart to see your
mamm
so upset. I know it was difficult for me. Things are going to be stressful, and there will be a lot of stress put on you. But I know you’re a hardworking
maedel
.”
    She nodded even though she didn’t feel very strong. At the moment, she felt as if everything she’d known was slipping away and a new, scary life was about to begin.
    “I believe the Lord is testing us somehow through this,and we need to be ready to take this on.” He fingered his beard.
    “Today
Mammi
quoted a verse from Psalm fifty-nine,” Lydia said. “I can’t remember all of it, but I know that it said ‘for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.’”
    Dat
smiled. “That’s right.” He touched her arm. “We’ll get through this with the Lord’s help.”
    “
Ya
.” Lydia forced a smile. She wanted to believe him, but doubt was swelling within her.
Am I as strong as my parents think I am?
    “
Gut nacht
,” her father said. “I’m going to go check on your
mamm
and Ruthie.”
    Dread slithered in Lydia’s stomach as she watched her father disappear into the dark hallway. Tears filled her eyes. How was she ever going to cope with taking care of the family while her mother was gone? It didn’t seem fair that this was all landing on her so quickly. Why was this happening to her?
    Suddenly a thought occurred to Lydia, and it filled her room like an ominous storm cloud. If the Lord was testing her family, he must have a difficult lesson waiting for them.

6
     
    D uring the church service, Lydia sat next to Amanda and among the other young unmarried women while she sang along with the familiar German hymns in the
Ausbund
. It was the Ebersol family’s turn to host the three-hour service, which was held in the home of one of the church district families every other