his small and dark temporary apartment. He’d allowed himself a brief reprieve from his self-penance of being alone, but now it was time to go back in his shell. Tonight, he would get some work done. He’d sit there, and his fingers would connect with his brain—pecking out the details of the last few days. If he willed it so, maybe it would happen. But what if he couldn’t? What if his night ended just like every other night had for months? Would he be strong enough to keep it away?
Doubt started creeping in, causing his hands to shake and his mouth to water, craving the taste of oblivion. As he’d sat across from Mari, he’d not felt the usual yearning. He’d only thought about the petite woman with the almond-shaped eyes that, like his, hid a hurt that couldn’t be touched or healed easily. And that laugh. Her laugh came as a close second to one of the most melodious laughs he’d ever heard.
But it wasn’t enough. The monster awaited him—waited to consume him. There’d be no more reprieve. He walked as fast as he could back to his apartment and the bottle that had owned him since the day his life had crumbled.
Chapter Five
M ari climbed the stairs quickly, anxious to get up to their apartment and check on Bolin. She was only an hour and a half late, but he’d be angry if he was awake and waiting on his medication. The medication I’ve possibly lost. She stepped a little faster as she prayed the bottle was lying on the floor or possibly even the kitchen counter. For a little while, she’d allowed herself to relax and forget about her troubles at home, but now she felt guilty. Bolin needed her, and if he found out about Max—even though he was just a customer she’d had a conversation with and nothing more—he’d be livid.
Out of breath, she finally reached their floor and jogged down the hall toward their door, the last apartment. Many of the other residents left their doors standing open until after dinner, giving her a glimpse of family life the way others lived it. When she saw them, it never ceased to amaze her how different they were than the neighbors she’d grown up with. Here, in the city, no one bothered to get to know anyone else or even to lend a helping hand. In her hometown, neighbors were like family—and when someone was down, they rallied.
She passed the Zhao home and saw their daughter sitting at the small table, hunched over what was probably homework while her mother stood at the kitchen, tossing something in a steaming wok. The girl reminded her of An Ni, and Mari felt another streak of guilt. She should’ve been back over there sooner to check on the girl. But this girl didn’t live like An Ni—that was for sure. On the couch behind her, the girl’s father relaxed with the remote control in his hand, his feet crossed and resting on their small coffee table. Music played from somewhere in their home, and the scene brought a lump to Mari’s throat. They were what she and Bolin had planned to be but had never reached. She looked away and continued on to her own, much less comforting, life.
At the door she dug in her bag and found her key, then quickly entered, looking straight at the couch to see if Bolin was there.
He wasn’t.
She pushed back the first stirrings of alarm. Bolin was always on the couch. She dropped her bag and went to their small bedroom. He wasn’t there either. She backed out and went to the bathroom, peeking around the open door.
“Where the hell have you been?” Bolin looked up from the floor where he squatted over the toilet hole.
Mari backed away, giving him some privacy. She leaned against the wall in the hallway and took a deep breath. Her first lie to her husband was about to leave her lips, and she didn’t feel good about it. She paused, then diverted the line of questioning.
“Bolin, your pills weren’t in my purse today, and I’m sure I put them there. Do you have them?”
He answered with a grunt.
She heard him moving