Reel to Real by Joyce Nance Read Free Book Online

was a lot more mellow now. But the thought that was making her crazy, the thought that she kept trying to force out of her head, was of him lying in bed with his visitor, this new woman; whom she had never met.
    Esther started to feel desperate. She decided she needed something stronger to drink, so she walked to the Stagecoach Lounge, a cowboy bar down the street.
    It was dark inside and the bartender was drunk. One of the regulars lay curled up in a dusty corner while two older redneck types played liar’s dice on the far side of the bar. Esther sat by herself and ordered a shot of Crown Royal, straight up. She only had enough money for two rounds, but luckily a newly-arrived wrangler with a droopy gray mustache and a loosened red tie sent over a couple more shots.
    With each gulp of whiskey, new courage crept over her. It had been days since she’d seen John and it had gotten to the point where she needed to do something about it. She decided she could wait no longer, she must speak with him. It was theoretically possible that he could be in some type of trouble and might need her help. She asked the bartender if she might borrow his phone to make a local call and then dialed John’s number, her lips trembling.
    The phone rang at least ten times before a deep, hoarse voice answered.
    “Yeah,” the man said.
    “John?” Esther questioned.
    “What do you want?” John said rudely. “I’m busy.”
    When Esther heard John’s voice, her mind raced. She couldn’t prove anything, but something about the huskiness of his voice indicated to her that he was having sex with someone, at that very moment. She knew from experience that that raspy tone meant only one thing. She felt herself slipping off the deep end. She started to flip out.
    “I need to see you, John,” she said, breathing heavily. “Just for a minute. I’m going crazy not seeing you.”
    “Go crazy somewhere else, crazy lady. I don’t care what you do. I told you already, leave me the fuck alone. I’ll be over to see you when I’m over to see you.” He hung up on her and the loud click bounced around Esther’s head like a rock in a metal bucket.
    With her elbows on the damp bar, Esther sat there, the phone still stuck on her ear. Her breathing was shallow and her face was squished up, prune-like. She couldn’t believe this. Her worst nightmare: she had caught him in the act. She was sure of it.
    All her irrational nightmares had come true. He had forsaken her for another woman; he had traded her in. For the past four days, he had been over there fucking this God-damned slut non-stop. She grabbed her purse and staggered home.
    What a fool she had been. Her mind exploded like a million camera bulbs popping at once.  When she got inside her apartment, she numbly got undressed and filled the bathtub with water. She needed more pain, not the searing psychological blast that John had just skewered her with, but something more physical, something she had control over.
    In keeping with her dark mood, she turned the bathroom lights off. Hot water poured from the faucet, steam floating upwards. Contemplating her imminent untimely death, Esther lit a single candle and slid into the water, a new razor blade between her fingers.
    She cried. It was hard for her to visualize the world going on without her, but it would have to. Big fat, sloppy tears dripped down Esther’s bloated, pathetic face and into the tub, becoming one with the bathwater.
    Before performing her final deed, and as a courtesy to her friends, Esther wanted to let someone know where to find her. She needed to make a few calls. In fact, she ended up calling everyone she knew. Sadly, Esther’s bad luck continued as not one of the people on her list answered their phones. But she kept trying. When she reached the end of her list, she re-started and called everyone again. Finally, one of her friend’s son’s friends picked up.
    “Hey,” a low voice said.
    “Hello?” Esther sobbed,