Remem-Bear Me by Terry Bolryder Read Free Book Online Page B

together. But the last time I tried to talk about it, you were in visible pain. The last thing I want is to hurt you.”
    “Are you afraid if I remember, I won’t stay with you?”
    “That too,” he muttered. “Can’t we just wait until it comes out on its own? Maybe memories will come if we just let them.”
    “Maybe,” she said. “But I don’t see how we are supposed to be able to move on without knowing what happened.”
    “We move on by forgiving,” he said. “We move on by letting it go, not exploring it.”
    She frowned. “Are you repressing things, then? Deep down, are you angry at me?”
    He swallowed as he leaned over the rail, huge shoulders hunching under the weight of what they were talking about. “I was angry for a long time. But I don’t want to be angry anymore. I’m glad I was angry without you. I don’t want to be angry with you.”
    “So I did do something,” she said. “And we were separated. Did you send me away?” Tears formed in her eyes at the thought of it.
    He took her hand and pulled her forward. “Never. I begged you to stay.”
    She blinked. “And I left?”
    “Jo, what’s the good of exploring this?”
    “You might know what I did and be able to forgive me, but I need to know so I can forgive myself. After all, I’ve suffered too. Whatever I did led to all of this. I can’t handle that. I’ll keep imagining things, and they’ll be even worse than the truth.”
    He shook his head. “Then just stop. Why are you pushing this? We’re happy. Why can’t we just be happy?”
    She stroked a hand through his hair. “Because it’s a false kind of happiness when one person is carrying something all by themselves. I want to know so I can carry that burden with you. So I can apologize to you. Make it up to you. I promise it won’t be so bad.”
    He rested his chin softly on the top of her head, making her aware of just how much taller he was. She put her hands around his waist. When he was there, she felt safe. She didn’t want to leave that safety ever again. But why would she have left in the first place?
    What kind of mother abandoned her sons?
    “Sam… I…”
    “I know,” he said. “I know we can’t just pretend like nothing happened. But it’s been so nice doing so. It’s been so incredibly nice having you with me.”
    “And I’m still here with you,” she said. “So why are you so worried that whatever I remember will make me run?”
    His arms tightened around her. “There’s a part of you. A part that is wild and restless, and that part was never able to stay with me. Was always running. I love all parts of you, Jo, I always have. But a part of me fears when that part of you wakes up, I’ll lose you again. Like I did before.”
    Her heart pounded in her ears and the annoying buzzing inside her became stronger. “A part of me? That makes no sense. You mean like an inner child?”
    “No,” he said. “Nothing like that. I can’t explain without telling you everything. I wish I had someone to tell me what was right, and when it was right. I wish I had a guide or a manual right now for how to love you.”
    She held him tight as a gust of sea breeze moved over them, salty and sour. “I wish I had one too.”
    “So what now?” he asked. “What do I do?”
    She didn’t know either. If there were truly a part of her that didn’t want to be with Sam, did she want to know about it? And if she’d left, why hadn’t he fought for her? Why hadn’t he made her come back? So many questions swirled in her.
    “If I left, why didn’t you find me?”
    “I told you I tried. That part of you that was wild went silent. It didn’t call out to me. Wait, I know that makes no sense. But I looked and looked. I assumed this time you didn’t want to come back, and I had to take care of our sons.”
    She nodded. “You did the best thing possible, then, taking care of them. I just wish it had all happened differently.”
    “Believe me, sweetheart, so do