Remember The Moon by Abigail; Carter Read Free Book Online Page B

better friend, should have called more often.
    The screen came alive with a movie that I remember we made during my stag party: a bunch of guys getting high on ‘shrooms and playing mini golf, a shockingly young, thin version of myself kneeling down on the fake grassy carpet lining things up, pretending to be the next Arnold Palmer. The sound of my own giggle surprised me and I realized I hadn’t laughed like that for a long time. Maya still sat cross-legged with Calder in her lap, laughing at the movie, but also crying, an occasional tear landing on the top of Calder’s head. People stood in a circle around her, passing down tissues. She seemed small and lost. I touched her hair, trying to feel its silkiness, the twist of a curl.
    Damn you Jay! Damn you damn you damn you!
    More slaps across the face. I shouldn’t have been surprised by her anger, but oddly I was hurt. Was she even sad that I was dead?
    Daddy, when are you coming home? I heard Calder this time. You were supposed to help me with my science fair project. And you promised to drum with me.
    Calder, I am so sorry!
    Tears filled Calder's eyes, and he turned in towards Maya and cried silently into her chest. She kissed the top of his head.
    “I’m sorry this is so hard,” she said, her own tears welling.
    “Daddy was supposed to help me with my science fair project. And drum with me! Now he can’t do any of it! Why did he have to die?”
    “Oh, sweetie. I don’t know. I’m mad at him too. But he didn’t mean to die...” Did you?
    Maya, of course I didn’t mean to die!
    Estelle came over and crouched down beside her daughter and grandson.
    “Should we do the ashes now?”
    Outside, on the deck of the boat, Estelle held the urn that contained my ashes and pried open the lid that Peter, Maya's dad, had previously forced open with a screwdriver. The plastic bag holding my remains had already been snipped open so the breeze carried a little of the dust into the air. Maya held the urn down low enough for Calder to see its contents. The grey powder held chunks of white bone. Calder looked up at Maya.
    “Is that Daddy?”
    Maya nodded.
    “What do I do?” he asked.
    “You can reach in and take a handful and then sprinkle it onto the water.” Calder shook his head.
    “I don’t want to touch it.”
    “It’s OK, Calder. It’s just the ashes from Daddy’s body.” She stopped talking and looked at her mother.
    “Calder, if you don’t want to do it, that’s fine,” Peter said. “You do whatever feels right.” Calder looked relieved. Maya put her own hand into the urn and scooped out a handful. She poked through it with her fingers, looking at the pieces of bone.
    “It’s so weird to think this is Jay. It’s so abstract. I can’t make sense of it.” She tipped her hand over the rail and watched as the dust fell between her fingers and floated in the wind.
    “I love you, Jay.”
    I love you too, Lenie.
    The ashes settled in a dusty swath on the surface of the indigo water, alight momentarily before dissolving into the salty depths. My mother, Maya's parents, and Rob each took handfuls and released them, whispering their own farewells to me. There was a long silence after everyone finished and they collectively stared into the water.
    “Well, I guess that’s it,” Maya said abruptly. People began to make their way to the cabin of the boat. Maya and Calder remained where they were.
    I felt a tug, saw a pulsating glow on the bow of the boat that I hadn’t noticed before. My father waited there.
    I still need to help her. Help Calder. They both hate me!
    You will be better able to do that from where you are going than from where you are now . My father’s thoughts were clear, though I couldn’t see how.
    How can I possibly help them when I’m dead ?
    There’s a ton for you to learn, son. You just have to trust me .
    As the boat made its way back to the dock, only Calder and Maya remained on the deck, peering over the rail, where the light