Remember to Forget, Revised and Expanded by Ashley Royer Read Free Book Online

he
crying?
    I walk closer, careful not to make any noise. I need to hear what he’s talking about.
    â€œLevi used to be so happy. He used to smile. What happened to him?” There’s a pause
before he talks again. “It’s been a rough week for both of us. Levi rarely leaves
his room, and when he does, he leaves the house. He barely looks at me. Half the
time he glares at me or slams doors in my face. I don’t even feel like a father.”
    Does he really feel that way?
    â€œYes, Lilian, I’m aware that he’s testing me. It’s like this is all a big game to
him. This is serious . . . Our son has clinical depression!”
    I wonder what my mum is saying. There are long pauses after every sentence my dad
says.
    Does he really think I’m testing him? I’m not testing him, that’s for sure. Okay,
maybe just that once at the airport, but that was it. I just genuinely hate him and
this place. I hate everything and everyone, I can’t help it. I can’t help that I’m
depressed. I can’t help that I have mood swings. I physically can’t make myself do
things I don’t want to do, and I mentally can’t handle anything anymore. All I want
to do is be away from people, because I constantly feel like everything is falling
apart. I wish everyone could see that. I wish that they would just leave me alone.
    I feel slightly annoyed at my dad for thinking I see this as a game. It’s like he
thinks I find this funny. Why would I find my situation funny? It’s the total opposite.
I’m a miserable train wreck of a seventeen-year-old boy who’s barely living. All
I am at this point is someone that takes up space and breathes to stay alive. I’m
nothing more.
    â€œI just want him to tell me something. Anything. Write a note even . . . Why would
Delia’s death cause all this? I don’t get it.”
    Don’t get it? You don’t get it ?
    I walk back into my room, not caring if I make any noise. I don’t even care if he
heard me. His words replay in my mind over and over.
    Why would Delia’s death cause all this? I don’t get it.
    You know what I don’t get? How someone thinks they can automatically understand every
single one of your problems. He hasn’t lived in my shoes. He doesn’t know what it’s
like to lose the most important person in your life.
    My dad doesn’t know how close I was to her. He doesn’t know how important she was,
and still is, to me. He doesn’t know what I’ve gone through the past six months.
He has no idea. And the fact that he doesn’t understand why I’m like this because
of her death proves that he doesn’t care.
    He doesn’t care, and he never will.
    I’m overcome with a sudden feeling of anger toward him. I toss the closest thing
to me, which happens to be a chair, to the ground. It causes a loud noise, but quietness
doesn’t matter right now. I kick my foot against the wall, scuffing it a little.
I wish I never came here. I wish none of this had ever happened.
    â€œLevi!” I hear my dad scream. He runs into my room and stops in the doorway. “What’s
going on in here?”
    I continuously punch the wall in front of me. My hands feel numb, not that it matters.
My dad runs between the wall and me, but I continue punching blindly. I can feel
my fists hitting his stomach, yet he doesn’t move.
    I can’t stand when I do this. It just happens out of nowhere. My mood flips in a
matter of seconds, and I hate it. I hate everything about myself. I’m not normal.
Normal people don’t do this. I hate my whole life and everything involved in it.
    My heart starts pounding a mile a minute, and my breathing picks up. My whole body
is shaking furiously, and I’m becoming light-headed.
    â€œLevi, calm down. What’s wrong?” my dad asks over and over. After punching him for
what feels like a long time—but is