the back deck where we knew the keg would be.
Cooper and Sargento were standing around the boombox, fighting over DJ duties. Rymer was sitting on the railing, using the keg as a footstool and holding a stack of red Solo cups.
He saw Lisa and me walk out and said, “Five bucks.”
I went for my wallet, but stopped when I heard Lisa say, “Rymer, you pantywaste. Are you seriously going to try and pull this shit again? Asking girls to kick in for the keg? No wonder you never get laid.”
The guys snickered into their sleeves which put Rymer in the position of having to retaliate. “Alright, DeSanto. I’ll give you and Janis Joplin here both a cup, no charge. But you’re gonna have to pay for it later, if you know what I mean.”
We all knew Rymer was full of shit, but the guys stopped laughing at the suggestive comment and turned toward us, waiting with anticipation to see how we’d respond.
Lisa didn’t disappoint. She got right up in his face and said, “Rymer, if I actually believed you even had a dick in those pants, we could talk. As it is-”
“Oh, you want to see it?” He hopped off the railing and started making a big, phony show of unbuttoning his jeans. We knew he was bluffing about dropping his drawers, but thankfully, we weren’t forced to test that notion. Because just then, Trip came out the door and stopped him in his tracks with, “Jesus, Rymer. Can’t you ever keep your damn pants on?”
We all started laughing as Trip made the rounds of hellos and handshakes.
Rymer gave Trip a high-five, then handed him a cup. Lisa just went ballistic. “Oh, so you give your buddies beer for free but charge the girls five bucks? Nice racket you’re running here.”
Trip was busy getting a beer from the keg as he said, “Dude. You can’t charge the girls for beer, man. That’s just stupid.”
Lisa chimed in, “I know, right?”
Trip handed her his filled cup and dug a fold of bills out of his pocket. Lisa and I tried to protest as he peeled off a twenty and slapped it on the railing before grabbing three more cups off the stack and filling them at the tap, passing the first off to me as he finished. Lisa and I shrugged at each other and started drinking.
Rymer tried to save face. “Trip- No way, man. Take this back. I wasn’t really gonna charge them and what kind of asshole would I be if I didn’t cover your cup?”
Lisa cut in with, “A huge one!”
Rymer shot her a dirty look, then turned and started jabbing the twenty back in Trip’s direction. “Seriously. It’s your first night hanging with us. Take it.”
By that time, Trip was almost finished filling the fourth cup. “Not gonna happen, dude. Just take it off my tab the next time.”
Then he clinked his cup against mine and gave me a wink which almost made me spit up my mouthful of beer.
“By the way,” he added, “Who the hell tapped this thing? They foamed the hell out of it.”
We all started laughing again because it was a great slam on Rymer, who obviously must have tapped his own keg. Poorly.
Normally, having been shown up in front of his friends, Rymer would have gone on the rampage. I don’t know why Trip was given a free pass. Maybe Rymer was trying to be welcoming to the new kid. It’s possible he may have just realized he was being a jerk. Then again, maybe he thought he’d finally met his match and just didn’t want to get his ass kicked.
The thing was, Trip managed to put Rymer in his place without completely tearing him to shreds. Hell, Rymer actually had a smile on his face! I’d never seen anyone get away with that.
Just as we were pulling it together, Cooper pointed out Trip’s two beers and asked, “Yo. What’s with the double-fisting tonight?”
Trip didn’t miss a beat and answered him with, “Double fisting? What, is your sister around?”
We all lost our minds
David Sherman & Dan Cragg