The People vs. Cashmere by Karen Williams Read Free Book Online

he was. The hope I had before didn’t do shit but hurt me more. All I was doing by having that hope was prolonging the pain by running away from reality. Hope wasn’t just a bottomless thought, it will kill your ass. Morgan Freeman had said that shit well in The Shawshank Redemption .
    I rubbed my sleepy eyes and took a sip of water. I had just cleaned, cooked, and got Daddy straight. Now I was sitting on the porch staring out at kids coming home from school. I ended up not going today ’cause Mama wouldn’t get herself up yet again. And who in the hell knew where Desiree’s worthless ass was?
    â€œHey, Cash.”
    I didn’t bother looking when I heard her voice and the shuffle of feet behind me. I continued staring off, even though my focus mentally wasn’t on what was taking place in front of me.
    â€œMama fucked up, huh?”
    I glanced her way finally as she rubbed her arms like she was cold. I was cold too. Inside.
    She sat down next to me so close, our thighs were touching, so I scooted over slightly and felt her stiffen when I did. But then she pretended she didn’t feel it and it didn’t bother her, when I knew it did. Oh, well.
    â€œBoy, yo Daddy sure loved me. I say he loved me, ’cause I don’t know if he still do.” She smiled, her eyes glazed with tears. “But I sure do love him. Hell, I don’t know if anything is gonna ever change that shit. That’s what worries me.”
    I bit my lip as she pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and took a long drag. I was tempted to ask her for one, but when she continued to talk, it cancelled the want. Thank God. Addictions in people is something ugly .
    â€œRemember how much fun we used to have. Your Daddy, boy, was so silly . . . a straight fool. But he has always been the kindest, sweetest man I’ve ever known my whole life.” She licked her dry lips. “He’s been a friend, protector, lover, a provider, and he did it all without ever making me feel neglected in any of those areas, Cash.”
    â€œThen why can’t you do the same for him?” I spat out angrily.
    She smiled. “’Cause it ain’t in me. It just ain’t. Some people equipped with the right stuff, some ain’t. That’s why God put people in the position in life they in. He looks out less for some and more for others. You ain’t nothing like me. That’s why we ain’t never had no drama all these years. But your sister”—she blew out a circle of smoke—“shit, Desiree is a reincarnation of me. Her downward spiral started when she was ten years old, soon as them titties started sprouting out. She ain’t gonna be shit.”
    â€œDoes that mean you ain’t shit?”
    â€œNaw. See, that’s the twist. I wouldn’t have been shit if it wasn’t for yo Daddy.”
    I shook my head at her fucked-up logic. “You ain’t making a bit of sense.”
    She ground out her cigarette. “Oh, it will one day. Like I said, some people built with the good stuff, and some ain’t. God looks out more for those who ain’t got it and less for those who do.”
    â€œWhat does this have to do with me?”
    â€œIn other words, baby girl, life is gonna be hard as hell on you, so figure it out.” Mama pointed her finger at me. “But there is one more catch. Those people He looks out for more tend to find a way to fuck up, so they end up in the same fucking barrel as the ones made of the good stuff.”
    I hung on to every word, but just as quickly dismissed the shit as babble. Maybe later on I’d have the time to decipher her words and determine if something there made sense, or if it was all pure butt shit. Mama’s moment of deepness .
    â€œYou would take good care of Daddy, wouldn’t you?”
    I pierced Mama with an evil look, at what she was implying with her question.
    She just stared down at her bare toes. “Shit, yo