Remember Why You Fear Me by Robert Shearman Read Free Book Online

on that, the whole baby idea. He didn’t say anything for a while again and then said he needed to go out. I asked him why and he said he needed some cigarettes. I pointed out he’d only just bought some and then asked if he was getting extra in for Jimmy and he said yes that was it. He took off in the car so quickly it didn’t dawn on me for a while he’d forgotten to lock me in my room. That was very exciting. I could go to the bathroom when I liked, I could turn on the TV and watch whatever I wanted, there was nothing good on though. I even opened the door to his bedroom, I hadn’t been inside and my heart was pounding, I was so excited, and it was everything I hoped it would be, it had the silks and the mirrors and the four poster bed, I couldn’t wait for George to come home with his cigarettes so we could start making babies there. And eventually it occurred to me I could open the front door if I wanted to, and that the bolts weren’t drawn and the chain wasn’t on, I could get outside if I wanted to. Get some fresh air maybe. But I didn’t want to. Not really. It wouldn’t smell of George out there. I wanted George. I want George. I hope he’s back soon. He’s been gone hours, I hope he hasn’t got lost. If he’s not home soon he’ll miss
Friends
and his beans and chips are getting cold.

    George woke me up with a shout. He didn’t scream of course, George Clooney wouldn’t scream, but it was a definite shout. I went to see if he was all right. He seemed very upset. He told me that he’d been in Belgium. I said that was nice, what had Belgium been like and he said he didn’t give a shit about Belgium, Belgium was just as far as his car had taken him before he needed to sleep for the night. It was impossible, how could he be back here? I said that maybe he’d only been pretending to be in Belgium, I did that sometimes, when I got bored I made up stories and sometimes they seemed almost real. Though, as far as I could recall, never stories about Belgium. And why was I still here, he asked, didn’t I realize it was over, he’d set me free? and he shouted a bit. He went to the front door and opened it and told me that I could go, what was I waiting for? It was over. And I hadn’t wanted to go outside yesterday when George was gone, I certainly didn’t see the point now he was here. And I told him that wasn’t how love worked, you couldn’t just open someone’s heart and close it again when you’d had enough, I would always be waiting for him, I was his life now, there was no escape. He told me to leave and I said I wouldn’t. He called me a stupid bitch and I forgave him, I forgive you George I know you’re very tense right now, but I’m not sure you should be encouraged, I may have to punish you for that. He went to the kitchen, came back with a knife, kept on jabbing at me with it. He said he didn’t want to hurt me, he’d never wanted to hurt me, had he? He hadn’t hurt me, not much? I agreed, and said that it was his very tenderness that had captured my love, his very distinctive rugged tenderness. I’ll kill you, George said I’ll kill you if I have to, and I told him that Paul had killed me once, or maybe he’d just tried to kill me, it was so long ago this was before we had Jessie and became a proper family and Paul realized he loved me after all and George would feel the same when we had a proper family George just you wait and see, and then George killed me.

    George Clooney screamed. I thought that was disappointing. I do hope he doesn’t disappoint me again. I poured him his breakfast cereal but he wasn’t hungry. He told me that this time he’d nearly made it to America, after he’d killed me he’d locked my body in the bedroom then gone straight to the airport then caught the next flight out, he’d only shut his eyes for a little nap and here he was again. He was very upset by this and I felt very sorry for him. He asked to be freed. Please let me go, he said. I’d