but here, would you have kissed me back? I know this is making no sense at all, but just give me a moment.”
“I guess. It’s hard to say seeing as I don’t really know much else outside of being here.”
“Forget it.” I waved a hand in the air as if that gesture alone could erase this entire conversation.
“No, tell me. I’m curious. Was it only supposed to be a kiss?” Her cheeks reddened, and she looked away.
I smiled. “It was, but it doesn’t have to be.”
“Okay, now I’m really confused.”
“I’m just going to come out and say it then.”
Just count to three and get it over with. What’s the worst she could do?
She could kick you out .
“I control women. In bed.” I coughed around the words. “With my voice.”
Her face darkened even more. “Don’t all guys do that, though?”
“I know we’re going way off topic here, but no, not every guy is like that. They try to be, but…that’s a different matter.”
“Okay, so you can…control me? In bed?”
“I know how I could control you, yes, but I want to use it for something else.” I paused and almost leaned in to kiss her when her expression went from one of concern to disappointment. “If we can get you off these drugs, maybe I can control your shifts.”
“How would that work?”
“Verbal commands mostly.”
“Like a dog,” she said with disgust.
“No, like a sub.”
“A sub?”
“Submissive. If you give me permission to have control over you, we can work on controlling your shifts. For example, I could tell you when you could or couldn’t shift. We’d start working on it while you’re still on the drugs, and then slowly wean you off of them.”
“And if you can’t control them…if you can’t control me?”
“We’ll try something else, but I’d rather have you alert and able to remember than to keep you drugged and not take the risk. Besides, if I can’t control your shifts, what’s the worst thing you could do?”
“Kill you?”
“You forget, I can shift as well. I’ll be fine, but this is something I’d like to try.”
“Have you done this before? The sub thing, I mean?”
“Being a Dom?” I tried to ignore how weak my voice sounded just then. Vulnerable. I was so used to going to clubs to find a sub…one who knew she was a sub. I’d never approached an inexperienced one before, and trying to explain it in shifting terms didn’t make it any easier. “A few times.”
“What happened?”
“To my subs?” I shrugged. “Same with most relationships—we either fell apart or parted ways on equal footing. Some may even leave a Dom because they're unhappy, but that wasn’t the case with me.”
“Then what was it?”
“I couldn’t give them what they wanted. A few of my past subs wanted me to do things to them I wasn’t personally comfortable with. So, instead of keeping them and leading them on, we parted ways, but before we did, I almost always referred them to another Dom, if only to practice what they were looking to do.”
“Sounds confusing.”
“It can be at first, but it all comes down to what both parties want from the relationship.”
“And you know this in the beginning?”
I nodded. “Pretty much. The relationship between a Dom and his subs is different from what most couples experience. For example, before I start a relationship with anyone—when I intend on being their Dom—there are a few things we discuss.”
“Like?”
“Safe words are usually the first thing that comes to mind.”
“Safe words?”
“Just as the name implies. They’re words a sub can use to keep themselves safe. Let’s say I’m playing with a new sub and do something she didn’t like. Perhaps it scared her or made her uncomfortable. She would use a safe word and we’d either stop, change positions or save it for another day.”
“Sounds like something every relationship should have.”
I caught a twinge of annoyance in her voice but didn’t press her. She might not have