candy bar while everyone was distracted and walked home.â
Her mouth dropped open.
âYou take good care of your girls, Leah. My mother wouldnât even have noticed if my sister or I disappeared.â
âIâm sorry,â she said.
âDonât be. I turned out fine.â
âIs your mother still alive?â
He nodded, glancing away. The irony of the situation wasnât lost on him. Brenda had been a loving, conscientious parent, like Leah. And yet, sheâd died young while their drug-addled mom soldiered on. âIt doesnât seem fair, does it?â
âNo.â
âWas your husbandââ He cut himself off, realizing the inappropriateness of the question.
âWas he what?â
He bit the bullet. âWas he a good dad?â
âNo,â she admitted, after a short hesitation.
Brian stared at her in amazement. The answer was unexpected, but plainly sincere. âWhy not?â
âHe was a good man, and he loved the girls, but he gambled. The habitâ¦devoured him. It took him away from us.â
Her confession was like a punch in the gut. He didnât understand how a man could fail such a beautiful family.
âSometimes Iâm glad heâs dead,â she said, her voice flat. âMandy and Alyssa werenât old enough to understand what he was going through. In their eyes, he was perfect. If heâd lived, Iâm afraid he would have continually disappointed them.â
He knew what she meant. In his twenties, heâd given up hope that his mother would change, but heâd never been able to stop caring about her. Even now, she had the power to let him down.
âYou think Iâm terrible.â
âIâd be a hypocrite if I thought that.â
She examined his face. âIs that why you were alone on Christmas? Being with your mother is too difficult?â
He leaned back against the couch, resting his arm on the frame. âItâs difficult, yes. I havenât been in touch with her since Brendaâs funeral. It was frustrating to see her grieve. Too little, too late, if that makes sense.â
Her eyes softened with understanding.
âI also wanted to be alone this year. Or, I thought that was what I wanted.â
âWhy?â
âChristmas is always weird for me,â he said. âI have a friend from the foster care system that I sometimeshang out with, but he got married last summer. This year he went with his wife to visit her family for the holidays.â
âYouâve never been married?â
âNo.â
âWhat about a steady girlfriend?â
âNo one lately,â he said, feeling heat creep up his neck. He hoped she wouldnât ask how long heâd been sleeping alone. âMy friendâs wife has threatened to put my picture on an internet dating site.â
She laughed, raking a hand through her hair. âYou should let her.â
Brian watched her intently, fascinated by every line of her face. He had no intention of allowing Gretchen to take over his love life. If he couldnât find a woman on his own, he didnât deserve one. âYou should let me give you a swimming lesson.â
She stopped laughing.
âItâs easy.â
âFor you, maybe.â
âIf you were more comfortable in the water, you could relax at the beach.â When she chewed on the edge of her thumbnail, wavering, he said, âYou also need to know how to swim for your daughtersâ safety.â
âNow youâre giving me a guilt-trip.â
âWhatever works.â
âWhere is this pool?â
âAbout ten minutes away. Weâd have it all to ourselves. The girls can swim, too.â
âTheyâd like that,â she admitted.
He wished sheâd say yes because she wanted to. âI canât imagine where Iâd be if I never had that first surfing lesson. It changed my life.â
She held up a hand to ward