Rush by Nyrae Dawn Read Free Book Online Page A

always been home, vacation with the family, or Lakeland Village.
    “You don’t want to spend the summer in Ohio. You don’t tell me shit but even I know that. Mom and Dad will flip.”
    “I’m twenty-one years old. It doesn’t matter if they like it.” He’s right about the rest of it. I don’t want to be in Ohio. I don’t want to be here either. Like always, I don’t know where in the hell I want to be.
    Jerking my phone off the table, I try to ignore the tightening of my muscles and the tick in my jaw, as I head out of the room. I get to the stairs when Nate’s voice stops me. “Go to Virginia.”
    One foot is on the bottom stair, one hand on the railing but I don’t turn back to look at him.
    “What else are you going to do, man? Mom and Dad won’t get off your back if you’re here. You don’t need to be in Ohio right now and you know it. It’ll be like when we were kids. Charlotte and I will be there and . . .”
    Slowly, I turn around. I’m not sure what makes me say it—if I’m trying to be a prick or if I really want to know but the words come out regardless. “Is it hard for you to say his name because it’s Alec and you’ve never really liked him or because you hate the fact that your brother’s into a guy?”
    Nate’s always been laid-back. He relies on facts, he’s honest about how he feels and he’s fair. He looks like I punched him in the face. The set of his jaw and the ball of his fists tell me he wants to hit me.
    “Fuck you, Brandon. You’re turning into an asshole. I’ll admit something to you. I’m glad you’re not with Alec but it’s not because he’s a guy, it’s because you don’t deserve him. Not anymore.”
    He shoves his way past me; for the first time, someone in this house is not careful with me after the accident. There’s an ache in my stomach because of the reason, and because of what I said but it feels so fucking good to be treated normally too.
    It doesn’t change that Nate is right.
    Twirling my football in my hand, I lie in bed, thinking about what Nate said. I watch the brown leather spin, over and over. It’s a nice ball. It used to be Alec’s favorite until he gave it to me. No matter how many times I told him no, he kept telling me to take it. The truth was, I had another one just like it back home. I knew he didn’t.
    Yeah, he could have gotten another one but things weren’t as easy for him as they were for me. And he’d won a big comeback game with it in high school. People who aren’t into sports don’t get shit like that but that ball meant something because of that win. It was lucky.
    But he wanted me to have it and as weak as it makes me sound, I wanted it too because it was his. Every summer after that I brought it with us to Lakeland Village. It became my lucky ball even though I never played with it at home or school.
    When I look at it, I remember who I was when we met—who I am with him. I mean, it’s only a seventy-dollar football but it was his and it meant something to him but it meant more to Alec for me to have it.
    He thought I deserved it. When I think about how big a prick I was after he came all the way here for
me
. The way I turned my back on him when Dev, Theo, and Donny were here and how I didn’t stick up for him when they asked if he played or even how I just treated Nate. He tries to be the brother I’ll never let him be, and I throw bullshit at him like I did earlier.
    The guy I am now doesn’t deserve something that was so important to Alec. He was right to walk away, doing it for a whole hell of a lot better reasons than when I left him.
    But I want to deserve it. Want something even though I’ll never let myself have all of him. I can still try to be the person who would be worthy of him. The kind of guy who could at least be man enough to be friends with him. To earn him.
    Palming the football, I jump out of bed. Ripping my door open, I go out and head straight for Nate’s room. Right after I knock,