Rush by Nyrae Dawn Read Free Book Online

know he realizes exactly what he’s doing.
    “I’m not scared. That’s ridiculous. Maybe I’m just not feelin’ it anymore.”
    “Sure you’re not.” Nate pushes to his feet, and my arm automatically flies out to grab his arm.
    “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
    He grins again. “That you’re full of shit.”
    Shaking my head, I let go of him. “You’re a comedian now?”
    “You make for easy jokes. Did you hear the one about the football player who didn’t love anything like he loved ball, but when he ran the risk of losing it, he sat back and pretended to fight for it, while he really did jack shit?”
    Anger burns through me. Without realizing I even got up, I have Nate’s shirt in my hands, and I’ve pushed him against the wall. “Fuck you.”
    Nate’s breathing heavy when he says, “I’m sorry. Shit. That was an asshole thing to say.”
    My fingers don’t work when I try to pry my hands away from him. I’ve never hit my brother in my life but my fists are begging me to do it right now. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
    “How am I supposed to when you don’t
tell
me anything? I thought . . . I thought we got over that when you told me about Alec. I’m your brother, man.”
    At that my hands slip away and I turn my back to him, not because I’m pissed at him, but because I’m an asshole. Growing up we were like any brothers, I guess. We fought all the time but we still always had each other’s backs. He didn’t know that practically everything he knew about me was a lie. Yeah, I was all about ball but not for the reasons he thought.
    Then . . . then I told him about Alec and I know he thought that meant things would change but I’m still lying. The only person who really knows who I am, I push even farther away than I do everyone else.
    “Talk to me.” Nate steps around me.
    “You’re hanging out with Charlotte too much. You’re getting soft, bro.” He rolls his eyes at my attempt at a joke. “It’s not that big a deal. I’ll figure it out like I always do, yeah? Maybe it just feels good to have a little break from the routine. There doesn’t always have to be some huge reason behind everything, Nate.”
    Before he has the chance to reply, my cell rings. As soon as I pull it out of my pocket, I shake my head. “Hey, Mom.”
    “Hi, sweetie. I wanted to check in with you to see if you need anything before I come home. It’ll be about an hour or so.”
    Nope. And if I did, I could get it myself. “I’m good. Thanks though.”
    “How’s your day? I bet it feels good for you to be back in the gym.”
    Tightening my fist, I squeeze my phone. She’s trying to help and that makes me feel even worse about my anger, but it’s hard. Our parents have never really been the clingy type. Dad was always working at the university and Mom always had her own projects going on. Even when we’d go to Lakeland Village for the summer, we did our own thing. Nate and I have always been used to having freedom and pretty much doing what we want. Every time she asks me if I’m okay it reminds me how much shit has changed. I mean, I don’t want to make it sound like they were shitty parents. We knew they loved us, they just weren’t overly involved.
    “I’ve always loved working out.” It’s not a real answer but she doesn’t seem to notice. Mom rambles on for a few more minutes before I manage to escape the conversation. Tossing my cell to the table, I look at my brother. “I know they just want to help but they’re driving me crazy.”
    “Better you than me.” Nate crosses his arms.
    “Whatever, asshole.” He stumbles a little with my soft push. “I’m thinking about heading back to Ohio, spending the summer there. A few of the guys are local so I can get back into routine with them. Or maybe heading to NYC or something. I’m going to lose it if I have to stay here.” I’ve never spent a summer in Ohio. Never spent the summer in NYC either. It’s