Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas Read Free Book Online Page B

marriage counselor Leslie Ver-nick states, “They’re looking for their Prince Charming. When he turns out to be just a regular guy, they’re disappointed.” 2
    James 3:2 has revolutionized the way I look at family life: “We all stumble in many ways.” Notice the words “all” and “many.” No spouse avoids this reality. We all — including your husband — stumble in many ways. To live with a man is to live with someone who is certain to let you down — not just once or twice, but in many ways. Even Dr. James Dobson and Pastor Rick Warren stumble in many ways. That “Mr. Perfect Husband” you see so graciously open the door for his wife every Sunday, who always seems so kind and thoughtful and who provides a wonderful income? Somewhere, in some concrete expression, that man stumbles in many ways. If you were to divorce your husband and spend five years interviewing potential second husbands, if you gave them psychological tests and interviewed their closest friends and family members, if you found a man who seemed to match you emotionally and spiritually and recreationally — you’d still end up with a husband who would stumble in many ways.
    Only one perfect man ever walked this earth, and he never married. Since every wife is married to an imperfect man, every wife will have legitimate disappointments in her marriage. Are you going to define your husband by these disappointments, or will you pray that God will open your eyes to the common blessings that your husband provides and to which you often become blinded?
    Think about this carefully and honestly: as soon as you marry a real man, you’re going to have to learn to let go of certain expectations. A real man will be a sinner. A real man will have rough edges. A real man comes with real weaknesses and with gaps in his knowledge or ability. If you don’t want to be married to a real man — or if you’re going to resent the unpleasant fact that your husband is real, not perfect — then don’t get married. When you marry a real person, you’re going to be sinned against; you’re going to be disappointed; you’re going to be frustrated. That’s real life.
    My wife and I once met a woman married to a marvelous handyman, the type of guy who can fix anything. If he builds a tree house for his children, it has working doors and windows. He keeps his wife’s SUV in perfect running condition. Nothing in their house stays broken for longer than forty-eight hours. But he isn’t particularly “deep,” in his wife’s view. He doesn’t favor long, soulful talks. He’s a good listener, but you won’t hear him sharing a lot of personal feelings. And he never cracks open a book.
    My wife immediately liked the sound of this man because she lives with the constant frustration of having a mechanical klutz for a husband. She has to endure toilets that keep running, doors that stick, and projects that get put off until we save up enough money to pay a professional to do them. When I try to fix something, the problem invariably gets worse, costing us even more to fix it in the long run.
    And yet this other wife made it pretty clear that she wished her husband would be available to talk things out. She wondered aloud to my wife what it would be like to be married to a writer who deals with concepts and who regularly talks to people and who likes to discuss books with his wife. I’m pretty sure my wife may have felt tempted to wonder whether this woman had a much better thing going, particularly when Lisa had to get up in the middle of the night (for the umpteenth time) to jiggle the handle on the toilet to get the water to stop running!
    No husband comes in a perfect package. No husband can do it all. Your job as a wife is to fight to stay sensitive to your husband’s strengths. Resist the temptation to compare his weaknesses to another husband’s strengths, while forgetting your husband’s strengths and that other husband’s weaknesses. Don’t resent