Say Yes to the Death by Susan McBride Read Free Book Online

shouldn’t expect someone like you to know anything about what’s fashionable,” she tacked on, and my back stiffened.
    Maybe they “flew” out of the store because that enormous butterfly on the shoulder needed to migrate to Mexico for the winter. Maybe my fashion sense was resigned to Gap T-­shirts and Levi’s; but I didn’t require a degree in runway to see that the dress was completely overdone. Personally, I wouldn’t want to be caught dead in it.
    â€œUm, could you go get Cissy for me,” I said, because Olivia didn’t appear to grasp my situation. “I’m sure my mother can figure out how I can attend this wedding in something that’s not in shreds, or else I guess we’ll have to leave this lovely shindig you’re throwing, and what a shame that would be.”
    But Olivia merely wiggled the dress in my face.
    â€œIt’s a size eight,” she said, giving me the once-­over. “You should totally be able to get it on without blowing out the zipper.” Then she looked at my feet. “There are shoes, too, in the bottom of the bag. Surely you can squeeze into seven and a half. So ditch the clodhoppers, will you and get changed.”
    Whoa. “What?”
    â€œHurry up,” she said. “The natives are restless. We need to get this show on the road before anything else happens to derail the happy occasion. Penny Ryan needs to get married today! If she doesn’t, pissy old Les is going to pitch a fit, and I’m already on his shit list.”
    Pissy old Les?
    â€œLester Dickens?” I said. “Why would he care?”
    â€œHe’s the one who pushed up this wedding. Why do you think we’re at his house? There was nothing else available on such short notice except church basements,” Olivia said and swallowed. “If things don’t go as planned and Penny doesn’t tie the knot today, it’ll be my fault. You’ll see.”
    So Lester Dickens wasn’t merely being generous by allowing the ceremony to take place at his house. He’d pressured the Ryans to move up the wedding date. It was probably his idea to confiscate the cell phones, too.
    â€œYou’ve got five minutes,” Olivia barked, causing me to jump.
    I had a sudden attack of déjà vu, since that was exactly what Cissy had said when she showed up at my condo with the Spanx and Carolina Herrera dress that still had its price tag dangling.
    â€œFive minutes?” I repeated, and then the full impact of the situation hit me. “Oh, no, no, no,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m not getting into that chiffon mess and playing Penny’s bridesmaid!”
    â€œYou can’t go outside this room lookin’ like you were mauled by a coyote, now can you?” She gave me a triumphant smile. “And I can’t have asymmetry in my wedding party. It would not play well in D Magazine. ”
    â€œYou’re nuts,” I breathed.
    â€œAt least you won’t need a shoehorn to get into this puppy,” she remarked and eyed the crumpled Spanx in my hand. “Penny’s cousin isn’t skinny either.”
    Wow, was that a slam about my weight? If I’d had another option, I would have told her to take that dress and shove it.
    I started to say, “My mother will wonder where I am—­”
    â€œI’ll take care of Cissy,” Olivia cut me off. “I promise to tell her what’s up so she won’t send out a posse of Texas Rangers looking for you.”
    â€œI barely know the bride, so playing her bridesmaid seems almost sacrilegious,” I protested, only to have Olivia wave a hand to shush me.
    â€œOh, honey, I’ve had to hire bridesmaids for society weddings so the spread looks good in Town & Country ,” she said dismissively. “Some of these girls can’t drum up a real friend to save their lives and others have bridesmaids too ugly to