Second Chance by David D. Levine Read Free Book Online

together for a few minutes in silence, side by side, the masks’ straps waving around our faces like kelp in the sea as we strained at the pedals. We’d alternate pedaling and resting for the next couple of hours, while the airlock ramped slowly down to suit pressure. Then we’d help each other don our suits.
    As I mentally reviewed the suit-up process, I became keenly aware of how intimate it was. The liquid-cooled undergarment had to be smoothed over each limb, with no wrinkling or bunching at the armpits or crotch. Fastening the lower torso unit involved a very close embrace around the waist and hips. And fitting the urine collector...
    I thought back to one of the last psych interviews I’d endured before the final selection was announced. “We’re a little concerned about some of your sensitivity scores,” the young white psychologist had said. Two cameras and a large one-way mirror peered over his shoulders. “You show a forty-three percent tendency to homophobia.”
    “I was raised in a pretty traditional family,” I’d replied carefully, knowing that my selection for the Tau Ceti mission was on the line and that any attempt to BS a professional psychologist would only make things worse. “I won’t deny that my parents taught me there are absolutes of right and wrong, especially when it comes to sexual behavior. But at the same time they taught me to respect everyone, no matter what their lifestyle or beliefs. Check my record and talk with my colleagues. I think you’ll find that, whatever my personal opinions, I’ve worked cordially with people of all orientations and gender expressions.”
    “We have already done so, or you and I wouldn’t be having this conversation. But some of your prospective crewmates are faggots and dykes.” He was a professional; he spoke the words without any trace of emotional content. I was being tested. “You will be trapped in a small spacecraft with them for the rest of your life. How does this make you feel?”
    I swallowed, tried to slow my heart rate. “I’m... conflicted. My father would have me hate the sin and love the sinner. But I know there’s no room for any kind of hatred on board Cassiopeia . And I know that Jesus said nothing about homosexuality.” I sat forward in my chair. “What He did say was that there are no greater Commandments than these: ‘love thy God with all thy heart’ and ‘love thy neighbor as thyself.’” My hands clenched together under the table. “I try every day to express that love. Sometimes it’s hard. But we’re all God’s children, so I keep trying.”
    The psychologist hadn’t even blinked. But I must have convinced someone, because the issue had never been raised again.
    After we’d been pedaling for half an hour in silence, Matt suddenly spoke up, interrupting my uncomfortable thoughts. “I’m sorry you had to see that,” he said, his voice ringing hollow in the oxygen mask. “Me and Bobb, I mean. I know how much it upsets you.”
    It wasn’t the first time I’d been surprised by another member of the crew seeming to read my mind. “Am I that transparent?”
    Matt shrugged, but said nothing. His facial expression was obscured by the mask.
    “I mean...” I said, after a long uncomfortable moment of silence, then trailed off, not sure what I did mean. I tried again: “I mean... aren’t you married ?”
    “That was someone else. A man with a goldfish tattooed on his arm.” He indicated the shamrock tattoo, still angry red around the edges, with his chin. “This whole expedition is a new adventure... a new life. What better time to try something different?”
    My mouth must have gaped open at that, because the mask lost its seal and started whistling around the edges, reminding me of the air leak we were going outside to patch. I closed my mouth and the whistling stopped. “I can’t believe anyone could be so flippant about something so serious.”
    “Why does everything have to be serious with you,