Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Family, Real Love by Jill Zarin, Lisa Wexler, Gloria Kamen Read Free Book Online Page A

relationships in life to maneuver. Although we do pick our friends, sometimes we make the wrong choices. Then what? What is the kind way to back away from a friendship once you discover there are things about this person that you no longer like? Close friendships, in particular, are just like love affairs. Endings can be very painful. We are reluctant to let go of people whom we once loved. The Jewish mother’s answer ? When a door closes, a window opens. Eventually, another friend will come along. So, then, how do you end a friendship?
    Lisa’s Story
    With Annette, I agonized over ending our friendship. There had been so many slights, insults and confrontations that I knew it had to end, but it was difficult nonetheless. How did I end the friendship? First, Annette herself knew she had crossed the line, so the ending came as no surprise to her. My phone calls to her ceased. I told all our mutual friends that our friendship was over and asked them to please not put me in awkward situations. I would always act civilly, but others were not to expect us to be the pals we once were.
    Ironically, Annette’s husband had warned me years beforehand that our friendship would eventually end this way; he had told me that Annette had a pattern of doing this to people. Of course, when he told me this, I said it would never happen to us.
    About a year after we had called it quits, Annette walked up to me in a parking lot and told me that she had heard I was starting a radio show and wanted to help out. She clearly was making an overture to restart the friendship. But with me, there is no going back. Once you have crossed the line, it really is over. The offer to help was politely refused.
    Years later, I still think about her and miss our fun conversations. That’s why I believe that once you’ve loved someone, a part of you will always still love that person, even if you believe that you are better off not having that person in your life. ■
    ask yourself
    1. When is a friendship really over for you?
    2. How do you end your friendships?
    3. Do you think there is a graceful way to end a friendship? How?
    4. Have you ever been dumped by a good friend? Why?
    5. Do you still think about close friendships that have ended? Do you have regrets?

It’s Never Too Late....
    On the other hand, friendships do come in cycles. Sometimes we simply drift out of each other’s lives and then reconnect. In today’s Internet world, it’s easier than ever to find someone. Mommy used to pine for a college roommate with whom she had lost touch years ago. One day, Lisa finally decided to do something about it.
    Gloria’s Story
    My roommate at college in Vermont was a girl named Betty who was three credits shy of graduation when she quit school to marry a guy who was a certified genius and as crazy as a three-dollar bill. This girl came from a poor family that had struggled to keep her in college, and here she was, throwing it away to get married! But I was really fond of Betty, and we had a great friendship. After college, she moved back to New York, and Sol and I started seeing them as a couple once in a while. Her husband developed severe mental as well as physical illnesses, and they shut themselves off from social contact. Eventually, we lost touch and I couldn’t find her anymore. I missed her.
    One day, Lisa decided to surprise me and work her magic on the computer. She couldn’t find Betty, but she did track down her son after calling a few people who had the same name. I was so happy to find my long-lost friend! We see each other now as often as we can and she visits me in Florida. You cannot duplicate your shared history with old friends; it is irreplaceable. Since her husband died several years ago, she has made herself a busy and satisfying life, and her only son is very successful. Some friendships don’t die, they just go on hold for a bit. ■
    ask yourself
    1. Whom do you miss?
    2. Have you tried reconnecting?
    3. What are you waiting