anyone yet?"
"Dating, sure," she nodded. "But that doesn't say anything against one night stands! And honey, Becks, that's what you need. To find a man and just rip off his clothes and bite him and make him drive you crazy!"
I winced as her voice grew louder with each word. The people sitting around us definitely heard at least the last half of Portia's declaration.
"I'm not exactly the rip-off-people's-clothes type," I protested. "And Portia, I think that right now, my biggest responsibility is getting you safely into a cab so that you can go home."
Portia grinned at me and attempted a salacious wink, which might have looked alright if her mouth wasn't hanging open. "Oh, you want to get me home, do you? We could bring that guy too, and make a real fun night of it."
Shocked, I reached up and clapped a hand over her mouth. Please let the guy have not heard any of this, I prayed. Fortunately, when I sent another surreptitious glance down the length of the bar, he hadn't moved his eyes from the glass sitting on the counter in front of him.
Whew. I turned back to Portia, intending to get her outside so I could hail a cab - and froze.
She wasn't sitting next to me any longer. How had she moved so quickly and so silently?
I spun around, looking around the interior of the wine bar. Maybe she was just refilling her glass- nope. There she was, down at the other end of the bar, leaning on it in attempt to look casual (but probably in truth more because she needed it for balance) and chatting with the heavyset dude sitting down at that end.
I jumped up out of my seat, marveling at her skills despite my growing frustration with her. How in the world did she cross the distance from here to there so quickly? She was like some sort of drunken hookup ninja. I dashed down to try and stop her from totally making a fool of herself.
"Oh, and here's my friend Becca!" Portia exclaimed brightly as I arrived at the other end of the bar. "Becca, this is John! He's an accountant!"
"Great, great," I said distractedly, sending John an "I'm-so-sorry" glance. He just looked morosely back at me, giving off the impression that he wanted nothing more than to return to his previous activity of drinking alone. "Portia, why don't we go down here, now?"
"John is single," Portia declared. "His wife left him, so now he's all alone! Doesn't that sound great?"
I thought that I heard a muffled sob slip out from John's lips. "Yep, yep, let's definitely get you out of here," I murmured to myself. I reached out and snagged Portia's hand, tugging her towards the exit. "That's enough drinking for tonight, I think."
"Call me!" Portia hollered over my shoulder as I towed her out towards the exit from the bar.
Outside, she took a deep breath of the fresh, cooler night air, but then turned and grabbed at me. "Hey, wait a second," she said, looking alarmed.
"What?"
"Did we pay for our drinks? Oh my god, are we skipping out on our bar tab?"
I sighed. "Portia, this place has the cards that you pre-load with money, remember? We don't need to sign anything or cash out when we leave."
"Oh, that's right." Portia nodded, patting me softly on the back as she leaned on me for balance. "You're a good friend, Becks."
"Thanks. Um, are you stroking my hair-"
"You deserve to find someone," Portia went on, still rubbing my back. "And you'll find someone way better than that asshole Barry. I should have known earlier that he was cheating on you the whole time. He even tried to hit on me once, did you know that?"
"Portia, I really don't want to talk about my ex-husband right now-"
"I turned him down, of course." Portia straightened up for a moment so that she could smile down at me, her eyes slightly unfocused. "Sisterhood. We gotta stick together, you know. Against the man. Fuck 'em, right?"
"Uh, word choice-"
"But I should have told you that he hit on me, the scumbag," she snarled. "Then you could have left him at the altar, and you wouldn't be stuck in this whole
Louis Auchincloss, Thomas Auchincloss