The Baby by Lisa Drakeford Read Free Book Online

her shoulders and grips on to the handles. She suddenly feels like she’s a five-year-old all over again, pushing a doll’s pram. Something catches in her throat as she senses the importance of the moment.
    â€˜I feel stupid,’ she mutters.
    â€˜You don’t look it. We should have a photo to mark the occasion.’
    Nicola rolls her eyes and stands awkwardly as Ben snaps the moment with his phone. ‘I should’ve changed my leggings.’
    He smiles. ‘As I say: tie-dye. You’re making a fashion statement.’
    They walk down the road self-consciously, side by side. Past the run down farm building which looks dark and damp. Through the alley, past the park, along the path towards the small parade of shops in the centre of the village. The wheels of the unused buggy give off squeaks of newness. More nervous giggles and then, as an old woman passes by, she glances at the buggy and her cheeks soften into a smile. She looks from the baby to Nicola, then back to the baby. ‘Aah, anewborn.’
    A tinge of pride forms at the pit of her stomach. ‘Yes, a newborn’ Nicola says. ‘ My newborn.’
    The words surprise her. Catch her out. Astonishing to hear them on her tongue.
    They try the newsagent first, tilting the buggy over the threshold, wary of the door frame this time. Mr Thomas stands behind the counter. He’s been there all Nicola’s life and she’s never seen him anywhere else. It took her until she was six to work out that he even had legs. Today he stands with his hands on his hips and smiles encouragingly. ‘Your baby, I hear?’
    Nicola nods shyly. Blood floods to her cheeks. ‘This is Eliza.’
    Mr Thomas smiles again and bends over the counter. ‘Welcome, Eliza.’ He takes the three steps necessary to reach the chocolate gift shelf, selects a box of Roses and holds them out. ‘Here – take this. May this be the first of many visits. I’m sure I’ll get to know her well.’
    Nicola swallows and accepts the box. She has always liked this man.
    But it isn’t all as straightforward. For a start they have to negotiate a bunch of kids on the corner by the postbox. Some straddling bikes, the handlebars at an angle, elbows locked into place. Two girls Nicola vaguely recognizes from the year below gawp wide-eyed at Nicola with the buggy. Staring silently at the cracks in the pavement, Nicola can virtually hear their thoughts. She knows they won’t be nice.
    And then the supermarket isn’t so welcoming. Ben wantsan energy drink and a new lighter for his fast-growing nicotine addiction and Nicola wants to look at the birthday cards. She knows that she missed Olivia’s actual birthday, what with Eliza’s surprise arrival. She was going to buy a picture frame and fill it with photos of the two of them from all the years they’ve been best friends. She wonders now about using a belated card as some kind of peace offering. Her heart feels heavy with the thought.
    She misses Olivia. Her oldest, most trusted friend, Olivia. A friend through thick and thin. She thinks of Olivia’s chestnut hair, her blue eyes and the wide smile like a sunrise. And how she’s not her friend any more. And unfortunately for Nicola, she has nobody to blame. Nobody, that is, apart from herself.
    The aisles are small and crowded. It’s difficult to negotiate a buggy around all the people. A haze of rain has begun to fall outside, so it feels like everyone has come into the shelter of the shop. Eliza seems distressed by the sudden commotion and starts to thrash her fists around. Her mouth opens and closes and Nicola recognizes the beginnings of a screaming fit. She feels the tension rise at the back of her throat. She doesn’t want to deal with a crying newborn in front of all these people.
    I can’t do it .
    Even in the privacy of her own bedroom it’s hard. She jiggles the pushchair from side to