know Iâll be watching.
So much for staying away from Julie.
Watching Like Itâs MTV
On my way to my third-period class, I spotted Julie at her locker. Kenny pushed me to catch up. I smelled the beach again, and it pissed me off. Kennyâs crush on Julie was going to kill me. First, I hated her. Second, she hated me back. Third, I didnât date. Ever. Two reasons for that: first, I didnât know how long weâd be staying in a particular town, and secondly, nobody could get to know me, really know me, because I couldnât share anything about myself. Anything that was true at least.
You want me quiet? Then fix this. He slammed the door to his room and rattled my teeth. I pressed a hand to my aching jaw.
âHey.â
Annoyance flashed across her face.
Say something, man. Sheâs not happy.
âOkay. Look, Iâm sorry.â
She scoffed and rolled her eyes.
âNo. Really, I am. I didnât mean to upset you.â
âYeah, you did.â She took a few steps, whirled, and stalked back to me. âYou think Iâm an idiot, right? An airhead or something? Cheerleader Barbie?â She pushed at her blond hair like it offended her.
I hid a grin. Airheads had been the sum total of my assessment of the girls in our speech class but not Julie. She caught my grin and misinterpreted it.
âFrom the first second you saw me, I knew you were thinking I was the biggest bitch in the world because I didnât help.â
Okay. She was right. I looked at the floor. âStill. It was mean to hit you with that in class.â
She shook her head, lip curled into a sneer. âYouâre unbelievable. You wonât even try to deny it.â
I lifted my palms. âWhy deny something thatâs true?â And then I got mad all over again. âTell me how you could do it. I sat in my car for five damn minutes, waiting for someoneâanyoneâto stop Jeff so I wouldnât have to do it myself. You were there the whole time. Just watching.â
Her eyes turned arctic, and her body tensed. âI may have been there. But if you think I get off on seeing kids bleed, youâre just sick. You were there, you broke up the fight, so what exactly is the big deal here? You break a nail or something?â She did a little dance with her hands waving in the air.
Grinding my teeth, I ignored the last part of her attack. âYou were watching the whole thing like it was MTV.â
She slapped a hand to my chest, tried to shove me back a step. âStop it. I was staring, but I wasnât watching .â Her eyes glared with outrage.
âOh, that clears it all up.â
âYou donât understand.â
âNo, youâre right about that. I donât understand at all.â I took a step forward, and she took a step back, pressed against the lockers. âEnlighten me. Tell me what you were staring at but not watching .â
Knock that crap off, man. Sheâs not a threat. Stop trying to intimidate her.
Iâm not!
You are.
I could see myself reflected in her glasses. She pressed her lips together, swallowing hard, and a new wave of self-disgust washed over me. Kenny was right. Iâd scared her. I took a step back, put some space between Julie and me.
âIâ¦I canât. Youâll think Iâm crazy,â she finally said.
A laugh escaped my lips before I mashed them together. âCrazyâs kind of a relative term for me.â
She stared blankly, and I didnât bother to explain it. âI wasnât seeing Jeff and Brandon. Itâ¦it just reminded me ofâ¦something else. From when I was in eighth grade.â She shut her eyes, shivered.
Leave her alone, man. No more. Kenny squeezed my arm in warning. Youâre not the only one with scars.
I ignored him. âSo youâre saying you had a flashback? Youâ¦froze up?â Sheâd said the same thing in class, and I hadnât believed her.
She