Sex & God: How Religion Distorts Sexuality by Darrel Ray Read Free Book Online Page A

most holy men – Solomon, David, Abraham and many others. Indeed, monogamy as Jesus defined it is not even practiced among most Christians.
    Jesus defined monogamy as one sex partner for life:
    Matthew 5:31–32 , It was also said, “Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.” But I say to you that every one who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
    Other passages also make it clear that divorce is not an option except in the most extreme case of adultery. For example, Paul says in
    1 Corinthians 7:10–11, To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. . . . (39) A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.
    Just to make the point as clear as possible, Jesus said
    Marhew 19:4-6, “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said,‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
    Premarital sex was not an option for Jesus or Paul. Based on this, the Christian view of monogamy has been “one partner for life,” with the only exception being death of the spouse. Even in the case of adultery, the wronged spouse is not supposed to remarry. How many Christians today would fit into that definition of monogamy? Every Mormon who had premarital sex, every Baptist who has had an affair, every Catholic who has received an annulment (except for adultery), every person who remarried after a divorce – all are living a non-monogamous lifestyle.
    Newt Gingrich, former speaker of the U.S. House and very conservative Catholic, has had three wives and who knows how many other partners. He is anything but monogamous, according to this definition. Is Ted Haggard, former president of the National Association of Evangelicals, monogamous? He admittedly had sex with a male prostitute. Is Earl Paulk, mega-church evangelical minister, monogamous? It turns out, through DNA testing, that his “nephew” is really his son. He had sex with his sister-in-law to father the son. (The son, qua nephew, is now taking over the ministry.) Having sex with your dead brother’s wife was a biblical commandment, but Earl evidently couldn’t wait until his brother died.
    Many members of Haggard and Paulk’s congregations are as non-monogamous as their leaders. 14 Some would say that people like Newt Gingrich or the evangelist Joyce Meyer are serial monogamists. But the idea of “serial monogamy” makes no sense. Either one is monogamous or not according to the Christian tradition.
    So monogamy is a myth among most Christians. At least the Muslim men don’t have to deal with that problem. They are permitted up to four wives, though Mohammed allowed himself many more.
Myth: Jesus Makes Marriage Better
    Thousands of sermons have been preached on how to bring Jesus into your marriage. I’ve heard at least a dozen from ministers who eventually gotcaught in affairs or divorced themselves. A 2000 study by the evangelical researcher George Barna found that fundamentalists have the highest divorce rates. 15 The leaders in divorce were non-denominational, Episcopal, Baptist and Pentecostal. Not much evidence of Jesus present in those marriages.
    The divorce rates among ministers is roughly equal to that of the general population. 16 If those who preach and teach about welcoming Jesus into their marriage show equal divorce rates, obviously the Jesus treatment isn’t working.
    Dr. Roy Austin, a religious therapist and