Sex & God: How Religion Distorts Sexuality by Darrel Ray Read Free Book Online Page B

graduate of Southwestern Seminary, made this observation about the Barna study:
    Magical thinking is often a factor among evangelical and fundamentalist couples and that leaves them less prepared for the rigors of marriage. The atheist doesn’t believe in God and so doesn’t depend on God to save or fix a marriage. It’s just “the two of us,” and that takes the magic aspect out of it. 17
    Gary Thomas, author of
Sacred Marriage
and director of the Center for Evangelical Spirituality in Bellingham, Washington, says, “Christians should use marriage to seek ‘holiness, not happiness.’” Mr. Thomas believes that the Christian church contributes to divorce by being too tolerant. “Christians need to think of their marriage as a chance to serve Christ. A Christian who
gets divorced
puts their happiness before their devotion to Christ.” It is pretty easy to see how following this guy’s Jesus might lead to marital unhappiness and divorce.
    These are just a few of the many myths religions perpetuate on their members. In the next chapters, many more will be explored in different contexts.
     
    14 Barna Group, 2004. “Born Again Christians Just as Likely to Divorce as are Non-Christians.” Available online at http://www.barna.org/barna-update/article/5-barna-update/194-born-again-christians-just-as-likely-to-divorce-as-are-non-christians?q=divorce .
    15 “Dumbfounded by divorce,” a report by Christine Wicker on the Barna study. Available online at http://www.adherents.com/largecom/baptist_divorce.html .
    16 As noted by Lisa Takeuchi Cullen, in “Pastors’ Wives Come Together,”
Time Magazine
, 29 March 2007. Available online at http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1604902,00.html , and “Study Shows Average Divorce Rate Among Clergy,” available online at http://articles.latimes.com/1995-07-01/local/me-19084_1_divorce-rate .
    17 As reported by Wicker in “Dumbfounded by divorce.”

CHAPTER 5:
THE SHAME OF IT ALL
    How is shame different from guilt? How does shame work to keep people religiously infected and in line? How is shame different in Islam versus Christianity?
Shame vs. Guilt
    Religious guilt and shame are the primary tools of most organized religions, but they are used to different degrees and ways. Why does Islam or Hinduism use one sexual system and Christianity another? Much of the answer to this question may be found in how these religions use shame and guilt.
    For purposes of our discussion, let’s define religious guilt as the feeling you get when you know you have violated a rule or moral principle. No one else may know of your action, but an all-voyeuristic god knows. Guilt is something that, once programmed, can function without anyone else knowing. If you are taught that masturbation is against god’s law, then whenever you do it, you will feel guilt even though no one knows you did it.
    Shame is a deeper emotion, one that incorporates one’s identity as well as the judgment of other people. It is the idea that a certain behavior makes you a bad, damaged or diseased person. A Muslim woman is taught from birth that anyone who loses her virginity before marriage is eternally damaged. She becomes like a diseased and filthy person to god and her community. Such a belief creates both terror and focus on avoiding behavior that might lead to shame. She is told stories and shown examples of women who violated this law of god. In everyday conversation, the idea is associated with defilement, dirt, disease, as well as loss of social connection, status and support. A defiled woman is the target of social ostracism and abuse. It is remarkably parallel to the button story in Chapter 1 .
    This is an entirely different level of programming than guilt. With shame, the very thought of engaging in a given behavior evokes associations of disease and ostracism. Actually doing the behavior creates huge emotional turmoil. Feelings of filth and uncleanliness may overwhelm the person, making him or