Shades of Gray by Kay Hooper Read Free Book Online

quickly, still a little rough. “Walk with me in the garden?”
    “No.” She fought to steady her voice. “I’m not dressed, Andres. I—”
    “It’s dark. No lights, no moon. Come down, Sara, please.”
    She wasn’t sure, even after she withdrew into her room and closed the French doors, if she would go out to him. She wasn’t even sure when she found sandals in the closet and put them on,or when she left her room and went out into the softly lit hallway. It wasn’t a conscious decision. And as she walked through the library to the open terrace doors, she knew why she had refused any and all contact with Andres after leaving Kadeira.
    Because she had known that if he had once said “Come to me,” she would have gone, in spite of everything. Just the way she was going now. And she knew why. Yes or no; black or white; right or wrong—truth wasn’t simple. Not simple, and never to be avoided even if it hurt.
    His verses from Shakespeare triggered something in her mind, something she had read here in this room and had not forgotten because the words had rung so utterly true. Lines written by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
    And a voice said in mastery while I strove,—
    “
Guess now who holds thee
?”—“
Death
,”
I said. But, there
,
    The silver answer rang
,—“
Not Death, but Love
.”
    The silver answer … And love, like death, couldn’t be avoided or denied. Ever. She could no more resist going to him when he called to her than she could resist the next beat of her heart. And nothing could change that stark, simple, painful truth. Whatever he was, whatever he had done or would do in the future, she loved him.
    When she had left Kadeira and him, her numbing anguish had come less from the knowledge of what he had done than from the knowledge that she loved him—
despite what he had done
.
    “Sara?”
    Standing on the terrace, she watched him walk slowly toward her, and her mind screamed in silence,
I can’t let him find out!
She was afraid. That darkness in him, that implacable ruthlessness, would cause him to use the knowledge of her love against her, and she couldn’t let that happen. She couldn’t live with him as he wanted, marry him. She couldn’t be with him through the years, loving in this kind of pain. It wouldn’t destroy her love, but it would, in the end, destroy her.
    She wasn’t strong enough to love him.
    “What is it, Sara?” His voice was low, and his hand grasped hers gently as he reached her side. “What’s wrong?”
    “Nothing, Andres.” She heard her voice, light and mocking, and prayed that her control held. “Nothing at all.”
    After a moment he led her down into the garden, walking slowly along the path that wound in a relaxed pattern through three acres of fenced and patrolled grounds. “Have you become so brittle because of me?” he asked abruptly.
    “Brittle?” Very conscious of the warmth and strength of his hand, she tried to concentrate on something else. But it was difficult; someone’s hand was trembling, and she was very much afraid it was hers. “I’m two years older, and a hell of a lot wiser. What did you expect?”
    Andres carried her hand to the crook of his arm and tucked it there, and she was a little relieved because at least now he wouldn’t be as likely to feel her shaking through the linen of his white shirt. Oddly enough, it occurred to her only then that she shouldn’t be touching him atall, that it wasn’t safe. But she didn’t retrieve her hand.
    “Sara, in spite of everything, I don’t think we want to tear at each other for the weeks we have together. Do we?”
    “No.” She sighed. “No, I don’t think we do. Sorry, I seem to be the one doing all the tearing.” In a voice containing all the calm she could muster, she added, “We made a bargain. It’s over between us.”
    Andres didn’t respond for a few moments, merely walking slowly beside her. When he finally spoke, it was in a contemplative tone, faintly wry but