Shadow by Karin Alvtegen Read Free Book Online Page B

tests?’
    ‘Some. Not that many.’
    She drank her milk and got up to get more from the fridge. He realised that time was running out. He made another stab.
    ‘I just wanted to say that, that, uh, if you want another piece of bread I can get you one.’
    ‘No, thanks. Where’s Mamma?’
    ‘She’s still asleep.’
    ‘I can’t find my green hair-slide.’
    In a single gulp she finished her milk and put the glass in the dishwasher. Before he could say anything else, she vanished towards their bedroom and he could hear murmuring voices. Private conversations that never included him.
       
    Ellen was one of the reasons why he had stayed. He would lose her if they separated. The bond between them was much too fragile to compete with the chain that Louise had managed to forge. But there was also another reason, so secret that only he and his father knew about it. It had to do with appearances.
    Ragnerfeldts did not get divorced.
    At the time Ellen was born, his father had not harboured particularly high hopes regarding Jan-Erik’s talent for marriage, and even though the criticism could now only flash like lightning from his eyes, it would become quite clear the day he died and the inheritance was distributed. Jan-Erik could not be denied his legal right of inheritance, but his father had always been clever at manipulating the law. With his deft pen he had seen to it that Jan-Erik’s share would be as small as possible if he wasn’t living an honourable life onthe day the will was read. Jan-Erik himself had been allowed to read the document. It was dated on Ellen’s first birthday, and in impeccable legal language his father had confirmed his supremacy. With words oozing with contempt he had bequeathed large sums to Louise and Ellen. As long as the marriage was intact nothing would change; Jan-Erik would remain the executor with the obligation to render accounts to the auditor. But in the event of a divorce, everything would be disclosed, and Louise would be the major beneficiary.
    ‘It’s for Ellen’s sake,’ his father had explained. ‘She’s our bequest to the future.’ They had returned to the dinner table, and Jan-Erik had got drunk on vintage wine. He had joined half-heartedly in the harmless chatter that hid the rage he was feeling. Why had the important future heritage skipped a generation?
    That evening he had tried to overcome his aversion and have sex with Louise.
    It had felt like fucking his jailer.

6
    A lice Ragnerfeldt didn’t need an alarm clock to get up early in the morning. Even though she would rather stay asleep. She’d always said she preferred the night-time, revelling in the space those sleeping left behind. But being awake and having insomnia were two different things. Nowadays she wanted nothing more than to be able to sleep, but the sleeping pills only worked for a few hours. In the small hours she would wake up with vascular cramps. A heaviness around her heart, as if all the world’s horrors had landed on her chest. Getting old was nothing but one long, drawn-out torment. The face of a strange old woman in her mirror. The anticipation of youth had been transformed as if by magic into the bewilderment of old age. The realisation that everything had gone so fast and so little had been accomplished. Chance occurrences that imperceptibly slid over into conditions that could not be budged. Decisions were made even though she could never remember being involved. People appeared, briefly kept her company and then departed.
    Everything had become dispersed but nothing had been lost. The essence of her life remained, like preserved fruit from a season long gone.
    Yet it wasn’t the vascular cramps that woke her this morning, but a pain in her right calf. She had been waiting for it, and as she stretched out her foot to alleviate the cramp, she turned on the light and pulled out the newspaper clippings from her nightstand. Taking them out of the plastic sleeve she immediately found the