Shadowed Soul by John Spagnoli Read Free Book Online

cap so that I can keep it there.”
    “That’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me, Thomas,” said Beth softly.  She smiled and leaned in to kiss me briefly on the side of my mouth.  My heart skipped a beat; I was not used to displays of affection, especially in public.  But her kiss, light and gentle, had a penetrating effect on me.
    As I gazed at Beth, a paw rested itself on my leg and I looked down at Bailey.  He looked up with his friendly face then stood on my knees, his hind legs on the ground, and lunged forward to lick the ice-cream from my nose.
    “I’m so sorry, Thomas, Bailey’s usually so well behaved,” said Beth, amused and embarrassed.
    “That’s okay,” I said, chuckling.
    “He’s usually quite reticent with strangers,” remarked Beth.  “Not unfriendly but he’s guarded, normally.”
    I looked at Bailey and he looked at me, doggy amusement dancing in his eyes.
    “He’s a great dog.  I think we might get to be the best of friends,” I said.
    At that moment Bailey’s bark seemed to say, “Yes, we will”.  
    From the bench, Beth and I admired Bailey as he rushed about tracking a new scent.
    I held Beth’s hand then kissed her.  Our kiss seemed to galvanize all the moments of that day into a single confirmation of forever together .
     
    Bailey’s gentle bark drew me back to the apartment, he glanced at the door and I looked at the clock.  Beth and our son were leaving the hospital in two hours and that meant that if I left now, I would be able to spend an hour alone with them before her parents came.   Still not having slept much, I glanced at Bailey.
    “What’re you waiting for, Tom?” Bailey’s look seemed to say.  For the moment, I was so focused on the things that bring me joy, that I had forgotten my usual need to make an effort to ignore the Shadowed Soul lurking in the corner.
     
     
     
     
    CHAPTER FIVE
    Dis -ease, I pondered the word as I sat in Dorothy and Pete’s living room feeling no ease.  Mutely, I tried to fight my feeling of dis -ease that was slowly and inexorably clawing at my spine.  Usually I found this house to be warm and welcoming, yet now I was always acutely aware that Beth had grown up here and the whole place was a testament to the love shared between her parents and her. Not me; her and them.  There were photographs of her and her siblings at every age dotted around the walls and mantelpiece and the very bricks and mortar seemed to glow with decades of love.  Love the Shadowed Soul resented.  Love the Shadowed Soul wished to poison with his noxious avarice.  Today, however, he warped me more:  Less welcoming and more sinister.  Beth sat across from me nursing Jonathan.
    “Wow, the chick seems to be lost in her Lady Madonna moment, Thomas,” sniggered the Shadowed Soul.  It should have been a beautiful sight to see my wife and son in happy, uncomplicated need.  Beth and I together had decided that it would be best for Jonathan to breast-feed. Watching this trans-millennial dance between mother and child, I should have been happy.  “Between mother and son.  Madonna, there, has pretty much forgotten about you, Thomas.  She blew you right off, first chance she got.”  I tried to shake him, but all I could think was that this was their home, not mine.  “With the way that the economy’s taken a nose-dive, Thomas, you and I could be together for months, maybe years.”
    He was right, I would be precluded from this happy unit because of circumstance and as they grew closer I would be marginalized.  Would it be Pete who would teach my son how to play ball?  Would it be Dorothy who would be there when my boy wanted a hug?  They were involved.  I was on the outside looking in.
    “He looks like you,” ventured Beth happily including me.
    “Does he?” I asked, distracted.
    “Yes, he has your eyes,” marveled Beth.  “Look, they’re so deep and gentle, Thomas, just like yours.”  She smiled, regarding me