Shattered by Melody Carlson Read Free Book Online

puffy and red.
    “Oh, Cleo! I heard the news a few hours ago. I tried to call your house several times. And then I decided just to drive over. It’s so upsetting!” She grabs me in a bear hug, holding me so tightly I am nearly smothered by her bulky form and overpowering perfume.
    After I manage to extract myself from her embrace, I reluctantly let her into the house, which is still mostly dark. Not wanting to explain why the lights are all off, I go around and flip them on, and she follows me, talking the whole time about how awful it is, how unbelievable, until we’re both standing in the kitchen.
    “I just don’t understand it,” she says sadly. “Of all people... that something like this could happen to my dear sister. Really, she was one of the sweetest people on the earth. Why Karen? ”
    I just shrug. For lack of anything else to do, I fill a glass with water and take a sip. It’s lukewarm and tastes metallic, but I don’t really care. I slowly sip, focusing on this water as if it’s the only thing in the world.
    “How are you doing?” She comes closer to me, peering into my eyes as if she expects to spy an answer inside my head.
    Again I shrug. “It’s been pretty hard.” My voice is hoarse and doesn’t even sound like me.
    “Oh, you poor, poor thing.” She comes in for another hug, but I move away, putting the island between us.
    “Dad’s on a trip,” I say stiffly. I glance at the clock and am surprised to see it’s almost nine. “He should be home in a few hours.”
    “Well, I came over here to take care of you,” she announces like she thinks I’m five years old and she’s Mary Poppins. “I just know that’s what Karen would want.”
    I really want to protest this plan, to tell her I don’t need anyone to take care of me, but I simply don’t have the energy. So once again I shrug. Then I tell her I’m very tired and want to go to bed.
    “Did you eat dinner? I could fix you—”
    “Neighbors brought food.” I nod to the fridge. “It’s all in there. Help yourself.”
    “Oh...”
    I turn away and, without even saying good night, go directly to my room and close the door. It’s not that I don’t like Aunt Kellie. It’s just that I don’t want her here. With my clothes still on, I climb into bed and slowly count backward from ten thousand.
    When I wake, it’s dark and silent and I’m not even sure what woke me. But I am wide awake. I look at my digital clock: 2:47. But I know I can’t go back to sleep. So I get out of bed and, tripping over the trundle that is still out, catch my balance on my dresser, then step on a tortilla chip, feeling it crush beneath my bare foot. I can feel all those little pieces being ground into the carpet. Kind of like my life.
    I tiptoe out into the hallway and, seeing that the light is on in the kitchen, wonder if someone is still up. Maybe my dad. But when I reach the kitchen, no one is there. Suddenly my stomach clenches. What if something happened to him? What if his plane crashed? Or what if he got mugged on his way out of the airport?
    I tiptoe back down the hallway, down to the master bedroom, and silently crack open the door and peer into the darkness. I can’t see a thing, but I do hear him snoring. I can’t believe what a relief it is to hear that sound. I close the door and go back out into the living room, where I sit on the couch and just stare blankly at the floor.
    I realize that until this, I’ve had a relatively easy life. Nothing really bad has ever happened to me before. Oh, I thought it was hard when I broke my arm the summer I was eleven. It was torture not being able to go swimming, and it seemed to take forever before my cast came off, but eventually that summer came to an end. I was able to return to ballet lessons... and life went on.
    But this is different. I can’t imagine there will ever be a conclusion to this excruciating pain. There is no light at the end of this black tunnel. And I truly don’t even care