Shiver by Deborah Bladon Read Free Book Online
Authors: Deborah Bladon
guide them on life's path the best way I know how.
"What about them, Alexa?"
"Why haven't you gotten Opal a place to live?" she asks. "I see why you care about her. She's a very sweet person."
I'm not offended by the question. It's not thoughtless. It's honest.
"I offered, repeatedly. Opal refused."
"We have so much." She pats my stomach. "We have more than enough to eat. We own two homes. We don't have to worry about money."
It's guilt that laces her words. I hear it. She feels it. I do as well. I have since I was a young boy and realized that the condo I lived in was more spacious than the crowded apartments my friends would go home to. I learned to hide the fact that my parents would take Ben and me to Europe during summer break and Aspen for our winter holiday. My mother came from money, a lot of money. I've never wanted for a damn thing my entire life.
"We are generous, Alexa." I squeeze her thighs. "We give a lot."
"I don't think it's enough."
"We can give more," I offer. "We can go to the shelter today and I'll write them a check."
Her lips part and there's a brief moment of silence before she speaks. "I'd like that but there's something else."
"What?"
"I said I'm no expert, Noah," she begins before she stops to point at the doorway. "Go look at your camera. You need to really look at those pictures you took of Opal and the other people at the homeless shelter. Those are the pictures you need to let the world see. There is so much in those faces. I felt so much when I looked at them."
Whatever she may have felt when she studied the images on my camera is in her voice. I hear raw emotion. It's sadness and as I stare into my wife's beautiful blue eyes, I know that she may just have given me the purpose I've been searching for.
CHAPTER 10
––––––––
"I 've been thinking more about a baby." I set a cup of coffee on the table in front of Alexa. "I think we need to get on the same page. I don't like that we're not."
Her fingers trail over her forehead before she snaps her head up to look at my face. "I know that you're happy with things the way they are."
"How could I not be happy with the family we have?" I sit in the chair next to her, pulling her bare feet into my lap. "We have the most amazing son and daughter in the world."
She moans as I push my thumb into the sole of her right foot. "That feels so good. My feet have been so sore."
I smile knowing that she's working herself as hard as she is. She's on her feet all day at school and once she walks through the door of our apartment, she's busy chasing after our twins. She doesn’t slow down until she's fast asleep next to me.
"I want to understand why you want a baby, Alexa."
"You know why I want one."
I massage her heel, my fingers roaming over the smooth skin. Is it possible for a woman to have perfect feet? If it is, my wife owns them. "You feel a void inside?"
Since we got to Boston yesterday, I realized something pretty substantial. I've been so preoccupied with trying to fill the hole I feel inside of me that's related to my work that I've been ignoring the same bottomless pit that Alexa feels inside of her.
"I feel like there's something I'm missing." She rests her hand on her chest. "I love being a mom. I wouldn't trade it for anything."
"What is it then?"
She pushes her right foot into my palm, stretching her leg out as she does. "You seriously could do this for money, Noah. Women would pay to have your hands on them."
"I'm not going to respond to that." I chuckle deeply. "You're the only woman I want to touch."
"Do you ever think about what our baby would look like?" Her breath staggers. "If we could have had a baby, do you think it would have had your eyes?"
It's a conversation I always avoid. I've never faulted Alexa for not being able to get pregnant. If I had to choose between her and a child born of my blood and bone, I'd choose her every single time, over and over until I take my last breath.
The irony of
"What about them, Alexa?"
"Why haven't you gotten Opal a place to live?" she asks. "I see why you care about her. She's a very sweet person."
I'm not offended by the question. It's not thoughtless. It's honest.
"I offered, repeatedly. Opal refused."
"We have so much." She pats my stomach. "We have more than enough to eat. We own two homes. We don't have to worry about money."
It's guilt that laces her words. I hear it. She feels it. I do as well. I have since I was a young boy and realized that the condo I lived in was more spacious than the crowded apartments my friends would go home to. I learned to hide the fact that my parents would take Ben and me to Europe during summer break and Aspen for our winter holiday. My mother came from money, a lot of money. I've never wanted for a damn thing my entire life.
"We are generous, Alexa." I squeeze her thighs. "We give a lot."
"I don't think it's enough."
"We can give more," I offer. "We can go to the shelter today and I'll write them a check."
Her lips part and there's a brief moment of silence before she speaks. "I'd like that but there's something else."
"What?"
"I said I'm no expert, Noah," she begins before she stops to point at the doorway. "Go look at your camera. You need to really look at those pictures you took of Opal and the other people at the homeless shelter. Those are the pictures you need to let the world see. There is so much in those faces. I felt so much when I looked at them."
Whatever she may have felt when she studied the images on my camera is in her voice. I hear raw emotion. It's sadness and as I stare into my wife's beautiful blue eyes, I know that she may just have given me the purpose I've been searching for.
CHAPTER 10
––––––––
"I 've been thinking more about a baby." I set a cup of coffee on the table in front of Alexa. "I think we need to get on the same page. I don't like that we're not."
Her fingers trail over her forehead before she snaps her head up to look at my face. "I know that you're happy with things the way they are."
"How could I not be happy with the family we have?" I sit in the chair next to her, pulling her bare feet into my lap. "We have the most amazing son and daughter in the world."
She moans as I push my thumb into the sole of her right foot. "That feels so good. My feet have been so sore."
I smile knowing that she's working herself as hard as she is. She's on her feet all day at school and once she walks through the door of our apartment, she's busy chasing after our twins. She doesn’t slow down until she's fast asleep next to me.
"I want to understand why you want a baby, Alexa."
"You know why I want one."
I massage her heel, my fingers roaming over the smooth skin. Is it possible for a woman to have perfect feet? If it is, my wife owns them. "You feel a void inside?"
Since we got to Boston yesterday, I realized something pretty substantial. I've been so preoccupied with trying to fill the hole I feel inside of me that's related to my work that I've been ignoring the same bottomless pit that Alexa feels inside of her.
"I feel like there's something I'm missing." She rests her hand on her chest. "I love being a mom. I wouldn't trade it for anything."
"What is it then?"
She pushes her right foot into my palm, stretching her leg out as she does. "You seriously could do this for money, Noah. Women would pay to have your hands on them."
"I'm not going to respond to that." I chuckle deeply. "You're the only woman I want to touch."
"Do you ever think about what our baby would look like?" Her breath staggers. "If we could have had a baby, do you think it would have had your eyes?"
It's a conversation I always avoid. I've never faulted Alexa for not being able to get pregnant. If I had to choose between her and a child born of my blood and bone, I'd choose her every single time, over and over until I take my last breath.
The irony of
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