did it at school. Not because he was scared of what the other kids might say, but because he was disgusted by his own feelings, consumed with a shame he could neither understand nor express. He couldn’t be gay. He refused to be gay. Besides, if you never did anything about your urges, if younever acted on them, then you weren’t technically gay at all. You were just confused. Weren’t you?
Lexi gazed up at him adoringly.
“It’s because you’re waiting for me to grow up so you can marry me. Right?”
The relief was so overwhelming, Robbie burst out laughing. Scooping his sister up into his arms, he twirled her around till she squealed with delight.
“That’s right, sweetheart. That’s exactly right.”
“ I’m your princess.”
“Yes, Lexi. You’re my princess.”
Suddenly a voice yelled, “Open your eyes, moron!”
Robbie glanced up. He’d been so engrossed in his own thoughts he wasn’t looking where he was going. He’d bumped into a businessman on his way to lunch, knocking him clean off his feet.
The man bellowed, “What are you, retarded or something? Freak.”
“Sorry. I didn’t see you.”
Robbie kept walking, head down. Inside his head, the tape kept playing, over and over:
He’s right. I am a freak.
He had no idea where he was going. He knew he’d have to go home eventually, but he couldn’t face it right now. Walking into Grand Central station, he bought a ticket for the first train to anywhere and jumped on board.
F OUR
THE GIRL WAS A REDHEAD. SHE HAD HUGE BREASTS THAT seemed to wriggle like puppies beneath her tight angora sweater. Her black leather miniskirt was so short that Robbie could see the daisy pattern on her white cotton panties.
Her name was Maureen Swanson. She was captain of the cheerleading squad, the most popular girl in school. Every guy at St. Bede’s wanted to fuck her brains out.
Almost every guy.
Maureen Swanson stared at Robbie. “Don’t I know you?”
Robbie looked at his shoes.
“Hey. Rain Man. I’m talking to you. Hellooooo ?”
It was just his luck. Of all the hundreds, maybe even thousands, of trains leaving Grand Central that afternoon, he had to pick the one with Maureen the Mammary Monster on board.
“You’re the Blackwell kid, aren’t you?”
Robbie looked around for a means of escape but there was none. The car was packed with commuters. He was hemmed in like a sardine in a tin.
“Bobby, right? Tenth grade?”
“Robbie.”
“I knew it!” Maureen couldn’t have looked more triumphant if she’djust solved the riddle of the Sphinx or discovered the meaning of life. “Robbie Blackwell.”
Hearing the name Blackwell, other passengers turned to look at Robbie. Some of them stared quite openly. Was he really one of them?
“Actually, my name is Templeton. And you don’t know me. We never met.”
Maureen rose to her feet, eliciting admiring glances from the more circumspect businessmen and wolf whistles from the braver ones. The women in the car glared at her.
“Well, Robbie Templeton .” Maureen smiled lasciviously, easing herself down onto Robbie’s lap. “We can soon fix that.”
Robbie felt his insides liquefy. Not with desire. With fear. Why the hell hadn’t he thrown himself onto the tracks when he’d had the chance? Anything would have been better than the death by smothering he was about to endure in the rift-valley of Maureen Swanson’s cleavage.
“Where are you headed?”
It was a good question. Where was he headed? He still had no idea. The train had started to slow down. A disembodied voice informed the passengers that they were approaching Yonkers.
“Yonkers. This is my stop.”
Extricating himself from Maureen’s viselike embrace, he began to elbow his way through the human wall of commuters, only just making it out before the car door closed. He stood on the platform as the train pulled away.
Thank God. She’s gone.
Maureen Swanson’s voice rang out behind him: “What a coincidence. This