‘One sec.’ So I sit on the bed and wait for him to come back and when
he does, he’s carrying this birdcage, with a towel over it. He puts it down,
right, he takes the towel off and the second he does this damn bird starts
tweeting like a crazy thing. So I’m sitting there wondering what the hell he
wants me to do with this damn bird. I’m thinking , there’s no way I’m putting that fucking bird in my pussy or some shit. He’s
just standing there, right, not doing anything, and I start to get scared that
like maybe he’s going to bite the fuckin ’ things head
off, Ozzy Osborne style, ya know? I start to get scared maybe he’s some sort of animal torturing Satanist
motherfucker and he’s going to sacrifice me right there on that ugly fuckin ’ bed in that dirty fuckin ’
room.” She takes a drag of her cigarette, butts it out and flicks it out into
the alley. “Anyway, after a couple real slow minutes he opens the cage, and I’m
ready to bolt at this point because I’m so freaked out at what he might do.”
“Yeah, I can imagine.”
“I know, right? So, he opens the cage and grabs the bird...”
“What kind of bird?”
“Oh, I don’t know. No wait, yeah, it was a pigeon.”
“A pigeon?”
“Yeah, a goddamn pigeon? What you don’t believe
me?”
“No, it’s not that. It’s just like... pigeons are dirty, ya know?”
“I know , that`s why
I was so goddamn freaked out by it... So he takes out the pigeon and hands it
to me. I’m like ‘what the fuck?’ but I don’t say anything because this guy pays
good money and I’ve got this fucking diseased animal in my hands and I have no
idea what’s going on or how the fuck I’m gonna get
him off with this ugly thing...”
“Rats of the sky.”
“Huh?”
“Pigeons. They’re the rats of the
sky.”
She laughs, smiling so big I can see all her teeth. “I know , I know!”
“So what? Did he make you eat it?
Hold it while he fucked you?”
She waves her hand, tosses back some hair and gestures to me
for another cigarette. I light it in my mouth and pass it to her.
“No, nothing like that. Worse. He got down on his knees, put his hands behind his back and said ‘I want you to
swing it in circles. Just swing it in circles by the feet so the wings can
touch my cock, but only at the end, before I come. I don’t want to feel the
feathers on my cock until I’m about to come. I just want to feel the wind
first.’ So I hold its feet and start swinging the thing around and around in
circles. The whole time he’s got his eyes shut, just moaning and moaning. I go
faster and faster, the bird flapping its wings, not making a fuckin ’ sound. I felt kinda bad,
but I just wanted to get it over with, so I kept doing it.”
She takes a deep drag off the cigarette and pulls a strand of
blonde hair out of the corner of her mouth. “Finally he shouts ‘ I’m coming! I’m coming! ’ The wings
barely graze his dick and he shoots all over the rug, I’m talking projectile
orgasm release. This weird fucker, he blows on the rug and even gets a little
on my boots, which I didn’t really care about because I don’t really like those
boots anyway. But he gets it on them just the same. After that...” She takes an
anxious drag, the orange cherry on the end of her smoke glowing bright before
ash covers it. “Well, after that he just pulls up his pants, tosses some
twenties on the bed and leaves. He leaves me in his own goddamn room still holding this dizzy fuckin ’
bird. So that’s why I don’t think I’ll go back with him anymore. Not for less than a hundred anyway.”
I light a smoke, roll a pebble under my sneaker. “So, what
happened to the bird?”
“Oh. I just put him out on the deck as I was leaving. I
watched him trip around for a couple seconds. Then he flew off.”
I laugh. She pinches my arm. “ Ow ! Lil!”
“Poor thing. I wonder what was going
through its mind as it flew around the city. I mean, if pigeons can talk to