some jeans and some trainers that are a lot
cheaper than they would be back home and that’s me done, but Kate’s still going
strong. My feet get a real pounding. Bloomingdales, Macys (I loved it in there
with its ancient wooden escalator), FAO Schwartz, Victoria’s Secrets – the list
goes on. We also have a nose in Tiffany’s - when in New York and all that.
Over tea Kate asks me how Leo is
and I tell her about our argument. ‘Oh, Gemma. I can’t
believe you did that. You sent him away. You’ve as good as told him you don’t
care about him.’ Her eyes are wide and anxious.
I splutter some of my Diet Coke.
‘But it’s because I care that I encouraged him to go for it. I don’t want to
stop him pursuing his dream.’ Doubt has set in big-time however.
Kate is relentless. ‘It’s his
decision though, not yours. He’d already decided not to take the job.’
‘Because of
me!’
‘Yes, because of you. What’s
wrong with that? He knew you would have supported him going, but he was still
going to turn it down. He loves you, Gemma. Of course he doesn’t want to leave
you.’
Does Leo love me? He hasn’t said
so, but then it’s still early days. I toy half-heartedly with the mountain of
fries. The cheeseburger is the size of one of my side plates at home, and
though I’ve nibbled around the edges, it remains huge. The portion sizes are
ridiculously large over here. ‘Well, it’s done now. I still think Leo should
give the new job a try, even though I’ll miss him dreadfully.’ I’ll miss him
anyway me-thinks, as whether he stays or goes, Leo won’t want to see me again.
I’ve blown it.
‘You’re being so passive, Gemma.
Where’s all your positivity gone? You’re just going to give up, are you?’
I look down at the table. ‘I
don’t want to,’ I say quietly. ‘I don’t know what to do. Leo won’t speak to me.
I’m so tired.’
Kate places her hand on mine. ‘Of
course you are. You’ve been through a lot, but you’ve got some more fighting to
do. As soon as we get back, you need to go and see Leo.’
‘But I haven’t got anything new
to say.’
‘Tell him how you feel.’
I stare at Kate. I’m going to
tell Leo I love him, that’s what I’m going to do. I feel hopeful all of a
sudden. ‘You’re right, Kate. When did
you get so assertive?’ She’s like a different person.
My friend grins. ‘It’s this city.
I feel like anything is possible.’
We happily make plans for
tomorrow – our last full day in New York. ‘No more shopping please.’
‘Maybe just a
little more.’
‘As long as we go to the Empire
State Building, I’ll be happy.’
‘We’ll make that our first stop
then.’
The next day is a busy one. We
stock up on calories first thing by having pancakes at a diner. We realise –
too late – that we could have shared one serving, when we’re both presented
with a dinner plate stacked with four thick pancakes, along with ice-cream and
maple syrup. They’re gorgeous, but again, we don’t do them justice.
What a day. From Grand Central
Station’s amazing ceiling constellations, to the top of the Empire State
Building. We had to queue for three hours at the Empire State Building. First came the security line, then the ticket line, then the
elevator line. We should have bought tickets in advance. It was a long and
boring wait, but so worth it in the end. The observatory was crowded, but we
managed to shuffle our way around each of the four outdoor promenades. The
views of New York and the surrounding area were spectacular. The port shimmered
in the sunlight and the glass skyscrapers glinted. I vowed to myself whilst I
was up there that my life is going to be different now. I’m not going to coast;
I’m going to do things.
Kate and I couldn’t resist a horse
and carriage ride around Central Park. Along the way we caught tantalising
glimpses of a lake, a zoo and a fair. The park is surrounded by skyscrapers –
it’s like a green oasis
Learning to Kill: Stories