Slayed by Amanda Marrone Read Free Book Online

think we’d either want to cut off their heads
or
stake them—doing both would be redundant and bending over and putting garlic in their mouths is just asking to get ambushed from behind.” She fingers the top of the stake sticking out of the woman’s chest. “Don’t you think this pretty much does the trick?”
    “No!” I say defiantly, as I pull the stake out.
    “Well, if it’s all the same to you I think I’ll be a
rebel
slayer.” She punctuates this statement with more jazz hands. “I’ll just use stakes as my primary method of slaying. If you still want to cut the heads off I won’t hold itagainst you—unless we were in that vampire army scenario. Then I’d insist you pick one method or the other because time would be of the essence.”
    I throw my hands up in the air. “This is ridiculous. There is no
vampire army
and even if there were I highly doubt your skills as a singer-slash-backup-dancer qualify you to hunt
squirrels
, let alone an army of the undead.”
    “Hello? Is someone forgetting that I clocked that vamp—maybe even saving your life—with a well-placed high kick?”
    “I could’ve easily gotten her off me.” I decide not to admit that having a vampire on top is probably the worst position to be in because they’re so damn strong.
    Kiki laughs. “Yeah, I’m sure you were seconds away from getting the upper hand, but I also took tae kwon do for a year when I was ten and Master Kandro said I was a natural.”
    “And this qualifies you to hunt vampires
how
?”
    Kiki spins and then kicks up. The tip of one of her boots sails a fraction of an inch from my chin. A spray of dirt from the bottom of her shoe hits my face and I jump back away from her.
“Are you completely nuts?”
    She loses her balance and crashes to the pavement again. “Crap!”
    I wipe my face with my sleeve.
“What the hell are you doing?”
    She slowly pushes herself up. “Showing you what a year of tae kwon do could do to a vampire. If you had been one—and I hadn’t landed on my ass—I would’ve just knocked you to the ground and you’d have a stake sticking out of your chest.” She brushes her hands like it would’ve been as easy as driving a pen through a piece of paper. “By the way, do all the stakes look like this? It’s a little big—like a fence post. I think a trimmer model might be more fashion forward, don’t you?”
    Usually at this point I’d be consoling the witnesses until the police arrive, but Kiki Crusher is acting like killing vamps is the next big craze complete with “fashion forward” accessories. “Do you even have a clue how much strength it takes to get a stake through a rib cage?” I say finally. “I am constantly working out and it’s still hard to do.”
    “I did notice it took you two tries to get it in.” She curls up her arm and makes a muscle. “But I work out too. I know I could do it if you show me how.”
    Dear God, I’ve officially had it. I am standing by a Dumpster reeking of rotting food. The back of my head is throbbing, and my body aches. My mother will be here any second, pissed off that I killed the vampire in front of a witness. Officer MacCready will be pissed the town will have to pay her and the driver, and I’m pissed Kiki thinks this lame existence of mine is something to be envied.
    “Look, you and I are
never
going to hunt vampires together.
Not going to happen!
”
    Kiki’s brow furrows and she bites her lip. “Why? Is there some super-secret slayer society? Sign me up; I’ll pay the dues.”
    “It’s just easier to hunt alone.”
    “But I could help you.”
    I shake my head. “This is a
dangerous
business.”
    “I don’t care,” she insists.
    Why won’t she take no for an answer? I put my hands on my hips. “Okay, to be completely honest, I’m pretty sure you have a
drinking
problem, therefore making you a huge liability. Simply put, I’m not risking my life for some bored little rich kid. This is serious stuff, and