Late for him.
He rolled up and onto his feet, shrugging out the kinks as he walked down the hall, had the bedroom door open and actually stared at the empty bed for at least fifteen seconds before he remembered his mother was gone.
It hit him once more, as if it were happening all over again. He’d counted on this day being a tiny bit easier, but it didn’t seem to be working that way. He didn’t know how to do this, how to say goodbye to the woman who’d taken care of him his entire life, how to be without her.
The bedsprings creaked ever so slightly, and his heart gave a lurch, thinking maybe it had all been some horrible dream. He rushed over to the bed and started digging through the covers.
And uncovered the dog.
“Romeo?” he yelled. “What are you doing?”
The dog whined and laid his head down on the pillow. Big, sad puppy eyes seemed to ask where Jax’s mother was, why she wasn’t in her bed where she belonged and when she’d be coming home.
“She’s not coming back,” Jax said. “She’s gone.”
How would he ever make this ridiculous creature understand, when Jax didn’t understand himself?
Romeo made a pitiful squeaking sound and buried his nose in the pillow, as if he might find Jax’s mother there.
Jax was getting ready to yell at the dog again, when he heard a sound behind him. His sisters, all three of them, standing in a row like the little stair-step girls he remembered, crowded into the doorway watching him with the dog.
They’d spent the night, not wanting to be alone any more than he had, and now they looked bleak, exhausted, angry, as surprised as he’d been to see that today might even be harder than the day before and probably wondering how they, too, would get through it.
There was nothing to say. The reality of the situation said it all.
Romeo started whining again, low, heartbroken sounds, something like Jax might have made himself, if he’d allowed himself the luxury.
He was getting ready to yell once more, but Kim got to Romeo first. She knelt by the side of the bed, fussing over the dog and hugging him and crying.
Fine.
She could comfort the canine, offer him something Jax denied himself. He looked back at his other two sisters, who gave him a look that said plainly, What else is there to do?
Katie finally offered to go make coffee. Kathie said she was getting dressed because they had so much to do. Jax walked out onto the back porch, just to get out of the house and all the misery that seemed to be contained inside it. He stood there and listened to the birds making a racket, a car being started down the block, a siren blaring in the distance.
Day One without his mother.
It had to get better, because if it didn’t, he wouldn’t be able to stand it.
Jax got elected to go to the funeral home, something that made cutting off his right arm sound not so bad. He shoved open the door and marched down the hall, determined to get it over with as quickly as possible. He didn’t care what the funeral cost, and he really didn’t care what the service was like.
Sorry, Mom, he whispered, as if she might hear.
Jax knew the director, John Williams, who also served as the county coroner. How in the world did he handle those two jobs day after day?
John met him at the door and tried to put him at ease with small talk, but Jax cut him off.
“I need to do this and get out of here,” he said, taking a seat in John’s office.
“Sure,” John said, opening up a file on his desk. “I understand. And I have some…well, relatively good news. Your mother wanted to spare you and the girls as much as possible, so she came to see me a few months back and took care of all the planning herself.”
“She did?” Jax asked.
“Yes.”
“Thank you, Mother,” he said aloud, sagging into the chair, thinking he might just slide right out of it if he wasn’tcareful. Then found himself near tears thinking about her, able to think clearly enough and unselfishly enough to
Roderick Gordon, Brian Williams