Something Beautiful by Jenna Jones Read Free Book Online Page B

expression worried. "Most of the time it's perfectly okay. People know what to expect from you. We're just happy to have you around. Just, you know, at some point people like to feel cherished and special and there's not really anybody who is cherished and special to you. That I can tell, anyway. Maybe I'm wrong."
     
    "No," Dune said softly. "No, you're not wrong."
     
    "I mean, loving everybody is something most people aspire to, yeah? But Daniel's ready to be in love. And one-sided love is no fun, Dunie." He touched Dune's cheek tenderly and Dune was grateful. It made his words feel less like slaps. Jamie said, "Dunie?" again in that whiskey-rough voice, and Dune smiled as much as he could.
     
    "I don't set out to hurt people," he said.
     
    "I know. I think we all know that. I think Daniel knows that. When we met I figured that out about you pretty quickly, but that was fine, it's what I needed at the time -- but there does come a time when it's good to be special. You see?"
     
    "Like you and Ben," Dune said and leaned his head on his hands a moment. "Well."
     
    Jamie wrapped his arms around Dune and rested his chin on Dune's shoulder. "It is not a bad thing. It's you."
     
    "People like to feel special," Dune murmured and leaned his head against Jamie's. "Like they're the center of your universe. Jamie," he pulled away to look into Jamie's eyes, "I've only been in love once in my life, and it ended badly, and I --" He'd never told anyone the whole story, not even Leo, and he couldn't bring himself to do it now. "I don't want to do that again."
     
    "It's okay, Dunie," Jamie said gently. "Nobody's asking you to change. It's just hard sometimes, you see, to want more and know you're not going to get it."
     
    "Yeah," Dune said and pulled out of Jamie's arms entirely.
     
    "Dunie --"
     
    "It's okay," Dune said. "It is. Really. I'm not heartbroken. Daniel was good in bed and fun to be with, and that's all I've wanted from anybody. Which is the problem, isn't it? It should be about more than sex and fun."
     
    "Sex and fun is a large part of it."
     
    "You're not helping."
     
    "Don't you want me to be honest about it? Sex and fun are great. But there are other things, and I'm glad for those other things." He still looked worried, and Dune smiled to reassure him.
     
    "It's okay. Seriously. Who can you trust to tell you your shortcomings more than your friends? Though I hope you'll understand if I don't want to stay for lunch."
     
    "Oh, don't be upset," Jamie said, distressed.
     
    "I'm not upset. Scout's honor." He held up two fingers in a Boy Scout salute. "I just need to be alone for a bit." He stood and kissed the top of Jamie's head. "I'll talk to you later."
     
    "Okay. If you're sure."
     
    "I'm sure. See you." He let himself out of the apartment. In the elevator down he thought about stopping at Leo's -- his father could always cheer him up -- but then he'd have to explain everything, and if there was one thing he could count on it was Leo being perfectly honest with him, even if it hurt.
     
    And really, he didn't feel like being pummeled anymore today with his shortcomings.
     
    Dune walked home, passing familiar book shops and restaurants and clubs -- places where he knew he could walk in and be greeted like a friend. He wondered as he walked if it wasn't all just a put-on: if he was tolerated because people liked to look at him, not necessarily because they actually wanted him around.
     
    Jamie had explained to him once how his face worked from a purely aesthetic point of view: "It's the symmetry, you see. The more symmetrical a face is the more pleasing it is to the eye." As he spoke he'd drawn a quick sketch of Dune's face with a diagram across his cheekbones and down the center of his face to show the proportions. "You've got a nearly perfect face, plus the big eyes and the full mouth -- God outdid himself the day he designed you."
     
    Dune thought it was just a face, himself. It wasn't an accomplishment