matter. N one of it matters. Her blonde is perfectly smooth as always, and I can think of a million ways she’d be a good distraction right now—all of which would make Amber blush.
“Are you finally ready to stop playing hard to get?” H er deep brown eyes open wide , and when her finger touches my chest, tingles of electricity rocket through my body. I’m awesome.
“Yep.” I nod. The movement spins the room again.
“Good.”
S he tucks her fingers into the front of my pants , the way she knows I like, and pulls me with her. Each time her fingers move against my stomach I get more turned on. I don’t even care what she has planned. Anything would be good. Everything would be good.
“I’m sorry about your mom.” Her chest pushes into mine as she backs me into the wall of an empty bedroom. “Can I do something to make you feel better?” She licks her lips.
Damn. I grab her hand and rub it between my legs. Gem and I have been together before. W e know each other. This is perfect. And normally I’d really try to make her feel good, or whatever, but tonight, I need escape.
“You want my mou th there, or my hands?” Her lips touch my ear as she talks .
“Do you have to ask?” I step back to the bed and lie back . T he room whirls . Every touch from her light s each nerve in my body.
Gem’s hands rub up my chest and down my abs. She teases me a few times, by undoing my zipper and then moving her hands up again. I’m nearly insane with my need to be touched by the time she opens my pants . I close my eyes while the room flies in and out of focus . Now I just hope the combination of alcohol and Gem erases what I need it to .
- - -
I roll over in the middle of the night. Gem ’s sprawled out next to me , still in her clothes from the party . That’s good because having sex while in this state is never a good idea.
Girls lying on their side are the sexiest thing s ever. She looks soft, her shoulder curving down to her waist, and the steep curve back up of her hip. I reach out to put my arm around her, and pull us together. But that’s not for me and Gem. That’s different, for someone I love. And I like Gem, but she knows what we are, and what we aren’t. And as good as it would feel, I know it would give her wrong impression. It starts to tap into my thoug hts that what we did last night might also give her that same impression.
How do we know that the physical stuff doesn’t count, an d that the emotional stuff does? It’s just something that’s sort of understood. At least that’s how it is with my guy friends, and until Amber, I haven’t really ever had a friend that’s a girl.
My damn phone beeps again. I’m still messed up. Drunk, high, something. I answer. “Hello?” But my voice doesn’t sound like me. It’s all warped or something like from a satellite phone.
“Crap, it’s you. Your dad’s so worried.”
“Amber?” I ask. I mean, who else would be calling at some insane hour to say something about my dad.
“Yeah. Are you okay?”
“I’m really, really, really, wasted.” I close my eyes. It’s better than the ceiling coming in and out of focus.
“You sound it.” She has this whispering laugh, and I close my eyes.
“Guess I sorta screw ed up, and now everyone’s worried about me, huh?” Only it’s really Dad who’s worried, because Mom’s not here anymore. Her name sends waves through me, and I never really got the reprieve I wanted.
“Something like that.”
I breathe enough of the weight off my chest to talk. “Why did you call?”
“I’m the only other person your dad knows, who sort of knows you.”
Right. What on earth am I supposed to say to Amber? “Wha-cha reading?” I ask.
“That’s what you want to talk about?”
“Yeah.” I’m still on my back wishing that the room would hold still. Wishing Mom was here. Wishing I still felt whole.
“I’m… I’m reading a memoir from this guy who has Asperger’s and toured with