Stages of Grace by Carey Heywood Read Free Book Online

something."
    "I'm so happy you're feeling better. That sucks about your car. What’d he hit ?"
    "Not sure. We h aven’t really talked about it."
    "No way. You are so nice. I would have lost it."
    We chat as we head into the office. It’s Friday, and there are many last-minute sick appointments. It seems like whatever I had is going around big time. At lunch, I look over the want ads, not seeing anything that might be a good fit for Jon. I wonder about the two places I had sent his resume to and if they had contacted him. If they had, Jon had not said anything. After lunch, I dip into my spare change dish to buy a soda. It’s been the first day in a while that I had been so active, and I really need some caffeine.
    It has been a long day, and I am grateful once the day ended and I can go home. All I want to do is make myself another can of soup and go back to bed. Not feeling as though I am in any danger of falling asleep behind the wheel, I skip the metal station this time. Jon is in the front room when I get home, watching TV.
    "Wh at happened to the enchiladas?"
    "What?"
    He stood. "What happened to the enchiladas?" He enunciates each word.
    Oh no, I think . "I took them to work for lunch today. I didn't know you wanted them. I thought that since you had not eaten them last night that you had not wanted them."
    "No. I was actually saving them for lunch for myself today. Just think of how I must have felt when I went to the fridge and found out they were gone."
    Couldn’t have been worse than the feeling I had when I saw my car was gone the day be fore, I thought to myself. I don’t say it, though. That would only make things worse.
    "I can run to the store and get stuff to make some tonight. Would you like that? I'm so sorry. I did not know you wanted them."
    "Do n’t bother. It’s already done."
    "Well, let me make you someth ing else. What would you like?"
    I end up making spaghetti and meatballs per Jon's request. Sure, it’s not the soup I wanted, but it’s still good and now Jon is less upset. After dinner, I wash the pots and pans and dirty dishes from our meal. Jon returns to his armchair and is watching TV. Once I’m done, I go to bed. The next morning, I am relieved to see Jon asleep again beside me. As I was falling asleep last night, I worried that he might go out again. I quietly get out of bed and make myse lf a cup of tea and some toast.
    After washing my cup and plate, I sit down on the sofa to read. My plans for the day are simple: rest, and maybe later on take a couple loads of laundry down to the Laundromat. I am well into my book when Jon comes out of our bedroom. He nods in my direction before making himself a bowl of cereal. I hold my spot in my book with my hand as I watch him eat. I still think he is so handsome, although recently he looks more tired than he had in the past. If only he could find a job.
    "Want something?"
    I had zoned off and didn’t realize he had noticed me staring at him.
    "Oh, I was just thinking."
    "About what?"
    "It's silly."
    "I'm listening."
    "I was just thinking how handsome you are." I am not sure why saying that embarrasses me. I used to tell him that all the time.
    Jon shakes his head at me, not looking convinced, and goes back to his breakfast. I return to my book. When he finishes eating, Jon sets his bowl and spoon in the sink for me to clean. I rest my book on the arm o f the sofa and go to wash them.
    ~*~
    For the most part, over the weekend, we steer clear of each other. If Jon is in the front room, I am in the bedroom and vice versa. Lying in the same bed as Jon each night, I am aware of the fact that I have never felt so distant from him. He doesn’t talk to me anymore. It’s like living with a stranger. I lie in bed thinking of how I can find intimacy with Jon again. It’s hard for me to understand how we have gone from telling each other everything to this. I try not to dwell on thoughts like these. It’s too painful to take alone, and since I can